Would it surprise you to know research shows that 80% of people have increased productivity after being praised for their work? Or that when children are praised for their efforts, and not their intelligence, they have improved scores on some tests by 30% and were eager to tackle harder tests? What about hair stylists garnering better tips by giving customers compliments on their new look?* What is the common thread in all of these examples? Specific compliments, affirmation, and encouragement.
How's your elevator ride?
Who doesn't enjoy receiving kudos for a job well done, or good effort put forth, but how often do we think to dole them out to others. I know I strive to do so in my daily life but occasionally fall short. The other evening I was watching the bonus features from the movie bella, and was again confronted with the importance of praise. Director/Writer, Alejandro Monteverde, said, "To me, people are elevators. You get in with them and they take you up, or you get in with them and they take you down." That really struck a chord causing me to evaluate my words and actions. I had to ask myself is my elevator regularly taking people up or down.
It's easy to get caught up in the flurry of work and home activities, and checking off the to-do list; taking dear family and friends a bit for granted. It's not unusual to focus on what needs improving and forget to praise, affirm and compliment what's right!
My best example
My Great Grandmother, Marie, was a person in my life who best exemplified Alejandro's sentiment above. She's pictured to the right on her 97th Birthday. For as long as I can remember she always had a kind word, specific affirmations and encouragement to tell you. Even when I'd visit her in her late 90's (she lived to be 100 years and 4 months young) armed with the latest happenings in my life or photos to share thinking I'd brighten HER day, I'd be the one leaving our visits feeling better about myself and uplifted!
Here are a few principles I'm still learning to help ensure my elevator takes people up:
Lavish praise three to four times more often than correction or criticism:
I'm not sure where I heard it, but it makes sense. It's easy to find an elevator going down, so we need to combat them with praise. I sometimes get those ratios turned up-side-down, especially with my teen when he's being, well, a teen. But it's important to remember to be generous with our praise.
Be specific & personal:
I can attest to how important and lasting praise can be when following this principle. I was 19 or 20 living on the North side of Chicago and often visited my Great Grandmother at her Oak Brook Terrace home. She would always introduce me to whatever friends happened to be in the elevator or building as we passed, boasting how proud she was of me. She'd tell anyone who would listen (and a few who didn't) how impressed she was with my living on my own and that I'd drive anywhere in any kind of weather. She often told me that many of her friends wouldn't drive past Cass Avenue but she'd tell them how her Great Granddaughter drove all over. It was a small thing, and I was 19 and didn't have the sense not to drive in sleet or torrential downpours, but it always stuck with me. So much so that when I'm feeling a little apprehensive driving during inclement weather, I remember my Great Grandma's words and am encouraged to keep going.
Leave a lasting impression:
It's not so much about the words, but the way in which they make the recipient feel. They may not always remember verbatim what was said or written, but they WILL remember the feelings they experienced, I still remember feeling special and loved by the note my Dad wrote me before I attended my first Prom (titled "As You Are Promed" - - you have to know my Dad's sense of humor!). I don't remember exactly all the words he wrote (though I have it tucked away in a scrapbook and could look it up), but I do remember the feelings felt. What feelings and lasting impressions do your words leave?
These are the 3 principles I'm learning, and would love to hear any additional ones you know. Please e-mail me with your ideas. I may even share them in my next e-zine.
"Going up?!"
© 2009 Victoria Cook. All Rights Reserved.
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