You know that sinking feeling, the guilt, or that faint tinge of shame with the realization that you made a really bad decision? I have a note card on my refrigerator that has a quote from Kendall Summerhawk written on it. She said, “How is this opportunity for a breakthrough?” In other words, what can I do with this? We know we are supposed to learn from our mistakes, but sometimes we spend so much time beating ourselves up about the mistake, we stay frozen in this block of icy shame and discouragement.
Three tools are necessary to break out of this block: Honest Assessment, Forgiveness, and Gratitude!
So often, we are the last ones that we offer forgiveness to. We are so busy berating ourselves about our choices that we don’t treat ourselves very nicely. We go over and over the mistake we made and search for exactly where we went wrong. When we settle on the spot where we went wrong, we stay in that place; looking closely at it over and over, analyzing, discussing… A thorough evaluation done in an honest and gentle way can be a useful thing to do, as long as we then move on.
To ask ourselves what we could have done differently is a good question. To berate ourselves over and over is a discouraging waste of time. There is value in making a bad decision. You realize you are human and that in itself can be a helpful and necessary reminder that you aren’t perfect, and realizing this yet again, will give you more insight into yourself and other people.
So, here you are. You realize you made a bad decision. Ask yourself these questions to move on with your life:
• What were my reasons at the time?
• Were my reasons selfish?
• Were my reasons made because I didn’t have enough information?
• Did I choose to ignore obvious signals that warned me of the danger?
• Did I choose to close my eyes to possible outcomes and want it so badly that I ignored basic truths?
• Was I tired?
• Was I so busy that I didn’t give this decision proper attention?
• What was going on in my life that may have kept me from focusing as well as I needed to?
• Do I need to make amends in some way?
• What can I learn from this to avoid making bad decisions in the future?
After you answer these questions with honesty and gentleness, it’s time to forgive yourself. Of course if you have hurt someone, make the effort to correct that. Do not refer to yourself as stupid or foolish, and do not continue to berate yourself. Treat yourself as you would a good friend, with a loving and caring attitude. As you take care of damage control, be strong and honest with yourself.
Make a list of corrections you may need to make:
• Are there financial situations that now need to be addressed?
• Do I need to call someone and apologize?
• How has this affected other parts of my life/business that I now need to address?
Remembering that you have been hurt emotionally or financially by your “bad” decision is not the same as dwelling on it. Do not wallow in your pain, you need to throw back your shoulders, move on, and look forward to all the good decisions you will make in the future. Be grateful that you now have more knowledge about yourself and be grateful that you have this useful knowledge for future decision-making. Be grateful for good decisions you have made in the past, and that you will make in the future. After all, you make good ones, too!
Diana Fletcher © 2009
Certified Life Coach, author, and speaker Diana Fletcher is The Stress Reducing Expert. She is a master at helping her clients and students reduce their stress and live healthier, more balanced lives.
For fun and easy ideas of how to improve your health and lower your stress level immediately, visit www.DianaFletcher.com and receive “25 Simple Tips to Reducing Stress,” or register for one of Diana’s free monthly teleseminars today. For regular tips and information, read Diana’s blog at http://dianafletcher.wordpress.com.
