To go Dutch means, quite simply, to split the bill. But is it good etiquette on the first date? Some women, especially women who identify as feminists, don’t like a man to pay for them – they're independent and they want to be treated as such. But men – some of them anyway – can feel emasculated when a woman tries to pay for the date. It's a tricky situation but it can be handled with aplomb. So for string women and insecure men, going Dutch may be the way to go….But is it?
Also called the "Dutch date" or "Dutch treat", the precise origin of the term remains lost in the mists of time but does indeed appear to come from the beautiful flat land of windmills. And versions of the term exist in other languages…Some Latin American countries call it "pagar a la Americana", which translates to "to pay American style", while in Italy it's called "pagare alla romana", or "to pay like they do in Rome".
Whatever language you say it in, it's important to play the dating etiquette game to win. Jenna, a 21-year-old student from Sacramento, says that she likes a guy to offer to pick up the check. "My Mom raised me as a feminist and I know my parents first date was a Dutch treat, but I kind of think it’s sweet when a guy offers to pay. But if he pays on the first date, I make sure I pay for the second – plus it gives me a chance to bring up the subject of seeing him again. 'My treat next time,' is one of my lines – but keep that to yourself!"
The question of going Dutch can be a minefield for men. Tradition and old fashioned chivalry say that the male should pick up the check. But there are a lot of women out there who are uncomfortable about the man paying – sometimes women think that when a man picks up the check, he's going to get more than desert at the end of the meal.
Cal, a 32-year-old construction worker, has this story to tell…"I once went out with a girl who was offended if I went to open the car door for her. I sussed out immediately that this was a girl who would be more comfortable with going Dutch. And I was right."
This is where
dating websites and singles chat rooms have a clear advantage – we internet daters usually have gotten to know our new friend before the first meeting. And this, is the answer to the Dutch question – if you're single's a traditionalist, offer to pay the check. If not, suggest Dutch. Keep the conversation for the end of the night if you can, and when it does come up, don’t make a big deal about it. Who pays can be a point of tension on a first date, but it doesn’t have to be. Play it by ear…
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