Ways to Help a Depressed Person

• Listen. Keep in mind that the depressed person isn't communicating well right now, and is probably speaking slower and less clearly. Be patient and don't interrupt.

• Take care of little tasks like feeding the cat or doing the laundry. (This suggestion applies if you don't live with the person. If you do live with the person, you probably have to take on all the tasks).

• Along those lines, remember that the depressed person is not being lazy. Think of when you're really sick and you can barely get out of bed to go to the bathroom. That's how a depressive can feel all the time.

• Learn everything you can about depression. Knowledge is power and understanding.

• Take it seriously if the person talks about suicide. Call their doctor for advice on what to do.

• Make sure the depressive is keeping doctor appointments and taking his or her medication.

Ways to Help Yourself

• Take care of yourself. Depression can be "contagious." Get out and do something for yourself alone.

• Recognize that your feelings of anger, frustration and helplessness are valid. Talk to a therapist for help in dealing with them.

• If you are in a sexual relationship with this person, don't take it personally if they have lost interest in sex. Sexual drive is one of the first things to go when you're depressed. Offer hugging and cuddling without an expectation of sex.

• Know when to let go. After a certain point, especially if the depressed person is not getting help or taking their medicine, there's nothing you can do. You have to move on with your own life.

Teenagers

• What to Do When Someone You Love is Depressed

• Worst Things to Say to Someone Who is Depressed - Self-explanatory

Mailing Lists

• BPSO - Email majordomo@ipl.co.uk with the words "subscribe bpso" in the body of the message. Subject line may be left blank. This mailing list is for people who are " in an intimate, loving, caregiving, or nurturing relationship with a bipolar individual. This includes, but is not necessarily limited to, spouses, significant others, parents, children, near relatives and close friends. The important factor is that the relationship is close enough that the subscriber is significantly affected by the disorder. People whose relationships with bipolar individuals have ended are also welcome, so long as they remain concerned with the role played by the illness in that relationship."

For legal reasons I should start each sentence with, "in my nonprofessional opinion," or " I have been advised that," or "It is my understanding that...." But to do so would make the section awkward and confusing to the reader. So I have set the section up in, I hope, an easy to read format. You can mentally supply the caveats after reading this official disclaimer.


As you have read under General Description of Anxiety and Panic Attacks being a Support Person is something which you cannot take lightly. The ill person has turned to you to be his or her life-line in returning to a "normal" world. Love and sincerity play an essential role, but in addition you must understand what you are doing and why. If therefore you have not yet read the descriptions of a panic attack and agoraphobia found on this site, do so soon.
Remember, there are various schools of thought on being a support person. I am giving you what I have heard and found to be most helpful to the people with whom I have worked among on being a support person.


To help you understand why I like this approach I am going to give you a brief true story of a person I will call Anne.


Anne developed panic attacks about 12 years ago, before PA's were more widely known and a variety of treatments became available.
For several years she looked for a diagnosis and effective help. Eventually both were forthcoming but in the interim she developed severe depression and agoraphobia to the point where she could not leave the house without tranquilizers and a caregiver.


Even then there were times she had to come home without accomplishing her goal, and the failure led to greater depression and more anxiety.
About three years ago came a change in her thought patterns. Anne realised that by setting a specific location or a specific accomplishment as a goal she was constantly setting herself up for possible failure. There is a world of difference between "I am going for a walk" and "I am going to try to go to the store."
In the first, the goal is to go for a walk. It may be to the property line or 12 blocks and back; Anne does as much as she feels comfortable doing.

In the second case, Anne has to make it to the store or she will have failed. The same is true of any such project. Why make a big thing out of trying to drive to the store when you can be more relaxed just going for a drive and doing whatever you feel comfortable doing? Turn right. Turn left. Come home. Keep going. It doesn't matter. Allowing yourself freedom of choice without feeling pressured or guilty is the key.


After a few weeks Anne found she was driving greater distances and eventually could set off for a specific location, knowing she had been there before while on her no-pressure drives. She can now drive virtually anywhere. Stoplights and inner lanes are still a bit of a problem, but not enough to force her to use alternate routes.
A number of authors have come to see the effectiveness of this strategy and have referred to it as "giving yourself permission."