It happens to all of us occasionally, and it is really aggravating. A person you trust or thought you had good relations with does something to betray you or disregard you. If that person was not friend or family, you could easily banish them from your world and never have to interact with them again. But that is not always possible if the offendor is in your family or group of friends. Often you have to forgive and forget or else the resentment can cause you damage.
But resentment and hate are strong emotions which will assume control of you if you don't have systems for dealing with them. I'm going to teach you about a certain method I have found very useful in conquering or limiting my bitterness, anger, and detest of folk I don't have any choice except to interact with. I first picked up this strategy in self-improvement guru Anthony Robbins' bestseller Awaken The Giant Within. To change your emotions you've got to change the things that you focus on. So when you're caught up in destructive emotions towards another, change what you're focusing on by asking yourself "What do I respect about this person?" Most likely, your response will be "Nothing!". That's fine. But ask again, now adjusting the question to "What could you respect about this person if you wanted to?" This time you'll probably think of something respectable about them. Focus on that facet of the person, and you'll find yourself sliding into a different, more positive emotional state.
The reason why the 2nd question is so strong is that we often resist emotions that make us uncomfortable. In this example, as an example, being annoyed gives you the semblance of having more charge over the problem, so you resist moving away from that hate and passing into a happier state. You are comfortable with the hate. But by asking the question hypothetically, as in "if you wanted to", you are eliminating the resistance since you don't have to personally take responsibility for whatever ideas you come up with about that person. You are simply blue skying hypothetically. But the magic is that your emotions will follow your focus, so even though you are only imagining hypothetically, you are now focusing on something positive and your emotions will move into a more positive state.
Let's take a look at an example so you'll see what I mean. Let's say your mother is overprotective of you and won't quit attempting to shelter you from the world although you're a grown adult. I know from my own experience this can cause plenty of bitterness and frustration. The primary thought of the person is "Stop attempting to manipulate me!" But next you ask the question "What do I respect about my mother?" Maybe your answer is "Nothing! She has to go away" then reword the question, "What could you respect about her if you wanted to?" Then you will probably come up with something like "Well, she obvious|clear}ly loves me. She wants me to be safe. She's a caring person." That hypothetical brainstorming has changed your focus and your emotional state, and you most likely feel a little more sympathy for her after asking yourself these questions. That doesn't mean you've got to accept her behavior, but it will help you deal with it in a rational, positive way instead of collapsing into anger and antagonism that can hurt the relationship and reduce your overall contentment.
Knowing how to govern your emotional states can offer you tremendous control over your life and yourself. The above is only 1 practical example, but there are many alternative ways to grab control of your feelings. I highly counsel Anthony Robbins' book Awaken The Giant Within as a good source of practical techniques to help you achieve this.
