It happens to every one of us every now and then, and it is really irritating. Somebody you trust or believed you had good relations with does something to backstab you or disregard you. If such a person was not friend or family, you could just expel them from your life and never need to interact with them again. But that is not always practical if the individual is a member of your family or social circle. Occasionally you have to pardon and forget or else the resentment may cause you personal strife.
But bitterness and fury are powerful emotions that may gain control over you if you do not have systems for working with them. I am going to tell you about a certain method I have found very helpful in beating or minimizing my acrimony, anger, and hate of people I haven't any way out but to interact with. I first read about this plan in self-improvement guru Anthony Robbins' bestseller Awaken The Giant Within. To switch your emotions you have got to change the things that you focus on. So when you are wrapped up in negative emotions towards someone, change what you're focusing on by asking yourself "What do I respect about this person?" Most likely, your answer will be "Nothing!". That's alright. But try again, now changing the question to "What could you respect about this person if you wanted to?" This time you will probably think of something respectable about them. Target that facet of the individual, and you may end up flowing into another more positive emotional state.
The reason why the second question is so strong is that we frequently resist emotions that make us uncomfortable. In this case, for example, being angry gives you the semblance of having more charge of the situation, so you resist moving away from that fury and passing into a happier state. You are comfortable with the fury. But by asking the question hypothetically, as in "if you wanted to", you are taking away the resistance because you do not have to personally take accountability for those ideas you come up with regarding that person. You are just brainstorming hypothetically. But the key is that your emotions will follow your focus, so although you are just thinking hypothetically, you are now targeting something good and your emotions will advance into a more positive state.
Let us take a look at an example so you'll see what I mean. Shall we say your mother is overprotective of you and won't stop attempting to shelter you from life even though you're a grown adult. I know from personal history this may cause a lot of antagonism and disappointment. The first reaction of the person is "Stop attempting to manipulate me!" But then you ask the question "What do I respect about my mother?" Maybe your answer is "Nothing! She has to get lost" then rephrase the question, "What could you respect about her if you wanted to?" Then you will probably come up with something like "Well, she obvious|clear}ly loves me. She wants to keep me safe. She's a caring person." That hypothetical brainstorming has changed your focus and your emotional state, and you most likely have rather more sympathy for her after asking yourself these questions. That does not imply you have got to accept her behavior, but it can help you deal with it in a sane, positive way instead of melting into hate and sourness that may cause damage to the relationship and reduce your overall happiness.
Knowing how to manipulate your emotional states can offer you tremendous power over your life and you. The above is only 1 applied example, but there are a large number ofl other ways to get control of your emotions. I highly counsel Anthony Robbins' book Awaken The Giant Within as a helpful source of practical techniques to help achieve this.
Forest Harper has been deeply concerned in self-improvement for a while and takes a deep interest in controlling emotional states, as well as changing your beliefs and values to help achieve the life you need. She maintains a blog
Gemstone Meanings, where she discusses the
Gem Sapphire Stone and other strong gems.
