Members of the general public are far more tolerant of film crews preventing them from crossing the street than I thought they’d be. When there is an army of zombies marching towards them, they are more bemused than anything. The Leader of the Zombies, Zed, is holding the best floor mop that we had on the set. It’s a great tool for Nick to use as a weapon, a Fuller Brush cotton wet mop with the head soaked in blood. As the twenty actors and extras – fully made up, groaning and moaning, fake blood dripping from their lips – approach the crew on the sidewalk, I finally shout “Cut!”
I turn to the pedestrians we’ve held up.
“I’m very grateful to you for your time. Apologies for the hold up and thanks so much for your patience,” I tell them all.
The passers by are able to go on their way. Some of them begin to cross the street. But others actually stay to continue watching. Nick, who’s playing the Zombie Leader, starts to dance with the mop like it’s a woman in order to entertain the hangers on. That’s what a dance background does to actors. He’s been doing musical theater for too long.
When he sees me removing my headset, he approaches.
“Can I get a better weapon?” he asks.
“That’s the the best floor mop that we have, Nick.”
“I mean, maybe when we’re filming in the mall, he gets a machete from some martial arts store or something?” He’s looking a little forlorn now.
“What’s funny about it is he’s stabbing people to death with the soft head of a mop,” I reply.
“What’s funny about zombies?” he asks me.
“You’re not gonna turn into a diva, are you, Nick?” I ask him then, and regret the comment immediately.
“Are you gonna turn into a homophobic Nazi?” Nick shoots back. “Because what you’re saying – calling me a diva – is homophobic.”
“If I was homophobic, I wouldn’t have cast you. Men can be divas too. You’re killing people through the blunt force trauma of a Fuller Brush mop. It’s funny and it’s staying that way till you’re killed.”
“This is never gonna work. It’s dumb.”
“Do you know how many blood packs we’d have to go through if Zed started getting all stabby? It’s better that he drowns people in the blood soaked up into the mop head of his previous victims, no?”
His expression changes as he realizes that I’m right. We’re on a tight budget.
“If it’s any consolation, you’ve got the best floor mop we could find,” I tell him. “Fuller Brush is a great brand.”
The Fuller BrushCompany has been in business since 1906, and offers safe, environmentally friendly products for keeping your home and your body clean. Visit http://www.fuller-brush-products.com or Call # 1-800-992-1089
