Commonsense Approach to Domestic Violence
Domestic violence the catch phrase for the past ten years. People use the
words as if they represent an incurable disease rather than what it really
is, deplorable human behaviors. It doesn't matter how many times Oprah,
Sally, or Montel talk about domestic violence it is still happening to many
of their audience members and viewers, why?
In this society we have a bad habit of excusing women of being responsible
for themselves, thus leaving them as victims to the madness of their abusers.
It's imperative women understand their bodies and minds are to be treated
with respect and honor, and it is within their power to enforce treatment
befitting a human being.
Enforce? Yes, if they're in an environment that is unhappy due to beatings
and cruel criticisms it's their duty to move to safer ground, a place where
negative words and actions are not levied against them. Women need to know,
if a man or woman loves them enough to fill a mustard seed they would never
give them a black eye,bruise ribs, shoot or cut them, nor would they ever
open their mouths to utter degrading terms directed at them. Love should
never humiliate or beat you silly.
For the past decade talk shows have filled the airways with sad stories of
living with violently insane persons but they left out a significant part,
the part of the woman. Men and women both sit on talk shows claiming they
can't control their behavior, they blame their parents and babysitters for
abusing them, they blame the parish priest for molesting them, they blame
society for not removing them from an abusive household as children, they
blame the gun manufacturer, they blame their loved ones for upsetting them
and the list goes on. When will the blaming to justify their abuse stop?
It'll stop when women (and men) stop making excuses for why their "love ones"
hit, kick, bite, and degrade them. It'll stop when women walk away the first
time a man (or woman) assault them, instead of, enduring twenty years
pretending he or she's going to magically change.
Recently I saw a talk show discussing domestic violence and I was deeply
sadden by the guest speaker's summation of domestic violence. There was a
theme emerging, the only person to blame is the perpetrator, after all
they're mentally ill. Not once did she point out how victims aren't victims
until they surrender their power, which gave the impression she was saying
the victims aren't responsibility for themselves.
I'm not saying they (as in the victim) can control anyone but themselves, no
I'm saying there's always something the "victim" can do to legitimately
protect themselves from further harm. Are these options perfect? The answer
is no, but, at least the "victim" would be attempting to do something rather
than throwing their hands in the air and accepting the harsh treatment as
facts of life.
After watching the show I soon discovered other women who were also put off
by the so-called abuse expert's explanations and comments. Like me they were
left with a sour taste in their mouth on how women are encouraged to remain
passive and not pro-active to the first signs of abuse. There's power in
saying and meaning, no I will not permit you to hit me ever, but somehow it
seems these experts are trying to preserve victimhood.
Three women confided in me their reasons for being disappointed with the
show's guest.
"I lived with abuse for fifteen years. Every weekend I wore a black eye. One
day I woke up and thought to myself, I don't hit him so why should I let him
hit me. That's when the light came on, I should be treated the way I treat
him. I took responsibility for my allowing this man to hit me. I decided he
wouldn't hit me anymore and got out. Who cares how mentally ill he is, I have
to be sane for me and see where my power lies." VPalmer
"Expert huh? Women will always be victimized if they never see by not
reacting with action, as in getting out, when abuse first starts they're
enabling the abuser. Why is it so hard to just say that instead of all that
beating around the bush." anonymous
"I'm disgusted. Women can count on future generations being abused because
there's no encouragement for them to feel strong and in charge of
themselves." Lee
It's time we, as human beings, take responsibility for our futures the way
God intended and stop handing over our power to decide our own fates to
uncaring and abusive people. REMEMBER this, someone giving you a black eye is
not a sign they love you, it's a sign they have issues that has nothing to do
with you and it's time for you to get away from them.
Regena English, the editor of The Leather Spinsters Newsletter and Leather
Spinsters on the Web Ezine publications for happily unmarried careerwomen.
She
is also the author of a controversial ebook entitled Leather Spinsters and
Their Degrees of Asexuality.
http://www.leatherspinsters.com
