The Need To Compete
by Heidi Hoff

It's Friday night and your family is gathered around the kitchen
table, a game of Snakes and Ladders at the center of the excitement.
The game is almost over and Nancy, your four-year-old daughter, has
moved her chair away from the table. Nancy is not winning, and the
look on her face tells you that it won't be long before she
explodes into her usual tantrum over not being a good enough player
and always being the loser.
Nancy is a competitive child and no matter how hard you try to
explain that it doesn't matter who wins or loses, she still finds
it hard to accept defeat. Your six-year-old son on the other hand is
fine whether he wins or loses.
So why are some children so competitive and others not?
One of the reasons you might notice your preschooler's desire to
jump higher or run faster is because it's normal behavior for his
age group. He may be socializing with more children and many times
play dates turn into a mini Olympics with one trying to out do all
the others.
What if your child's constant competitive behavior is bordering
on the obsessive? There may be many reasons for that and you will
have to look at what's happening within your own family for the
answer.
Often a younger sibling may be the most competitive in the family,
trying to outdo older ones to prove that anything his older brother
or sisters can do, he can do better.
Sometimes parents instill a competitive attitude in their children
without even knowing it. "Just get on the bike again, I'm
sure you'll ride it this time. Just look at Jane, she's
younger than you and she's riding her bicycle, without training
wheels!"
A parent's competitive nature might have been inherited from his
own family. He may also be living vicariously through his child and
push him into playing sports for example, when as a child he may have
been less than a star player.
One way to take the competitive edge off of your child is to practice
accepting defeat. Help her focus on doing the best she can do, not
try to out perform everyone else. Explain to her that the most
important thing about playing a game or running a race is having fun
and that other children enjoy playing with a gracious loser, not a
sore one.

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