When facing a divorce, the parents can not help to be concerned with how the impending divorce will affect their children. The parents are obviously concerned with the ruling of the court or agreement that they reach regarding the custody and visitation. But, the parents are likely to also be concerned about the impact of the divorce on their children's emotional well-being.
If both parents are truly looking out for the best interest of the children, they can take steps to minimize the emotional trauma that the children can experience during a divorce. Young children often view a divorce as a consequence of their actions. There are certain measures that can be taken to limit the responsibility that the children internalize. Parents should reaffirm that the divorce is not the children's fault. They should frequently reassure children who may otherwise feel that if they would have been better behaved or did something differently, the non-custodial parent would have stayed. Let the children know that each parent loves the children, and the divorce is no reflection on them.
The parents should not involve the children in any conflicts that they have. The parents should attempt to resolve conflicts peacefully and out of view of the children whenever possible. The children should never be put in a position to choose sides. The children should not be responsible to make decisions regarding custody and visitation.
Parents should allow the children time to grieve. The children should feel free to express their feelings. However, children often lack the communication and emotional skills necessary to express their feelings effectively. The children are likely to experience anger, resentment, and a sense of loss. Because they are unable to verbalize these feelings, they may throw temper tantrums and yell. A parent should help the child be in touch with their feelings in a constructive manner. They should never belittle the children's feelings. Let the children know that the feelings are okay. Children will need time to work through these feelings. Just because a child is working through the grief and loss related to the divorce does not mean that they have been devastated by the divorce. The parents can let the children know that they understand their feelings and are there to listen to the children whenever they need them.
Structure can help the children adjust to the divorce. The rules for each parent's household may change, but the children should be aware of the expectations. Uncertainty can breed insecurity. For children who are probably to some degree already feeling insecure due to the divorce, any measure to minimize uncertainty can be beneficial. By making the best interest of the child a priority, the parents can limit the negative consequences of the divorce.
Moses Wright is the founder of Divorce-Papers.org. More information on
Divorce Papers,
Selecting Divorce Attorney and
Divorce Settlements - Assets & Liabilities can be found on his website. You can reprint this article if you keep the content and live link intact.
