The Islamic Republic News Agency of Iran IRNA reported today February 8, 2007 that last night the Shia Supreme Leader of Iran Ayatollah Ali Khamenei and his lovely new bride Anna Nicole Smith opened the first ever Shunnia Mosque in the history of Islam in downtown Tehran, Iran. The gala event was attended by celebrities and leaders from every country on Earth, including the leaders of every Shia and Sunni Muslim country in the Muslim World.

Some notables in attendance were Sunni King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia and his thirty wives, Sunni King Abdullah II of Jordan and his lovely wife Queen Rania, President Hosni Mubarak of Sunni Egypt and his wife Suzanne, Sunni Osama bin Laden and an unknown German starlet, President Bashar al-Assad of Sunni Syria, Shia Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki of Iraq, Shia Muqtada al-Sadr, Shia Hassan Nasrallah, Palestinian Prime Minister Ismail Haniya, Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas, German Chancellor Angela Merkel, Christian Russian Orthodox President Vladimir Putin and his wife Lyudmila, Chinese President Hu Jintao, Jewish Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert and his novelist and artist wife Aliza and Nobel Peace Prize winner and the architect of the Israel Egypt Peace Accord Christian United States President Jimmy Carter and his delightful wife, the co chairlady of the event Rosalynn Carter.

The Supreme Leader of Iran Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, dressed in his new Hugo Boss suit and clean shaven head and face gave the keynote address: “Kings and Queens, Presidents and Prime Ministers, Ayatollahs and Imams, Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to the opening of the world’s first ever Shia Sunni Mosque the Tehran Shunnia Mosque. Recently I was trying to explain the difference between Shia and Sunni Islam to my stunning new bride Anna Nicole Smith. I explained to Anna that Shia and Sunni Muslims all believe that there is only one God, the God who carved the 10 commandments in stone Himself and then handed them to Moses, God of Mount Sinai aka Allah, God the Father, Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit, Yehovah, Elohim, I Am Who I Am and I Shall Be As I Shall Be. Allah has more names than Saudi King Abdullah has brothers, 30 isn’t it your Kingship? How did your mother have time to create all these children while feeding all of your brothers and sisters? I’d like to see her grocery bill. I was thinking that if you just got the immediate members of your family and their companies to link to your website you could achieve quite a high page ranking.”

Ayatollah Ali Khamenei continued: “Anna Nicole Smith said to me, ‘O.K. So Sunni and Shia Muslims all believe that there is a God, that there is only one God, that this God is God of Mount Sinai, the God who carved the 10 commandments in stone Himself on Mount Sinai 3,200 years ago, and that the Holy Books of Islam are the Old Testament, the New Testament, the Koran and the Hadith which last 2 books were channeled from Allah to the Angel Gabriel to the Prophet Muhammad. So why are the Sunni Muslim countries all now aligning with the United States to conquer our country Iran?’ So I tell her that there are no Sunni Mosques in Iran and the Sunni and Shia Muslims are about to have a Middle East wide civil war between Shia and Sunni Muslims because the Shia Muslims consider the true religious leader of Islam to be the son in law of the Prophet Muhammad and follow his heirs and the Sunni Muslims consider the true religious leader of Islam to be the lieutenant of the Prophet Muhammad and they follow his heirs.”

“So Anna Nicole Smith says to me, ‘You’re joking right Santa? Our country is about to get wiped out because of a rightful heir issue? I can’t believe the synchronicity. I just spent ten years in court fighting over who was the rightful heir of my ex. After 10 years in court the United States Supreme Court just decided which court has jurisdiction and now it’s back to square one.’ Hi Justice Ginsburg thanks for coming. How are the knishes? So Anna Nicole Smith continued, ‘Why don’t the Shia and Sunni Muslims unite in Shunniaism, call all of the Shia and Sunni Mosques Shunnia Mosques and rotate the religious leadership every few years like the United Nations and the European Union?’ Hi Ban, how is the kim chee?”

“So I’m like, Holy Dientzenhofer Anna that’s brilliant. I can’t believe that I didn’t think of it. I get on the phone to Mahmoud, he calls the architect and now we are all sitting united as one in this magnificent Prophet Muhammad Shunnia Mosque in downtown Tehran, the first of many to come now across the Muslim World. I have now turned the nuclear reactor in Bushehr Iran into the luxurious Muhammad Ali Basketball Stadium. Anna loves basketball. Who needs nukes when you have peace? As I always say, ‘There is more than one way to skin a cat. If you can’t defeat it, buy it. No one ever went broke making a profit.’ Now everyone thank you all for coming and have a ball eating, drinking and dancing the night away to our special guests Lindsay Lohan, Madonna, U2, Fergie and will.i.am. Lets all drink a toast to the new unified Middle East. L’Chaim!”