"I want a girlfriend" is a phrase I read and hear a lot. I also have men ask
me "how do I get a girlfriend?". My usual response is "why do you want
one so badly?"
Somehow, somewhere some men have been conditioned to think that their
lives would be more meaningful if they had a girlfriend. "But I feel like such
a freak if I don't have one," says Jeremy, a 22 year old college Senior.
"Most of my friends have one. I feel like a loser."
I hear this from men of all ages and backgrounds. The problem here I see
is two-fold: first, that men who say these kinds of things do not have the
different skillsets they need in order to secure a date virtually anytime.
Secondly, there is an inherent problem in thinking that one NEEDS to have
a girlfriend in order to feel more complete, popular, or whatever other
reason you can think of. Happiness and fulfillment should come from
INSIDE first and then having a partner, a girlfriend, or a romantic interest
should be the icing on the cake. So if you are one of these men that feels
and believes he has to have a girlfriend, that's a big red flag that you are
using that as a crutch. A crutch for what, you might ask. It's a crutch for
not facing the REAL, deeper issue(s) that drive that false belief that you
have to have a girlfriend.
Men who want a girlfriend are coming from a place of weakness, not
power. When a man desperately wants a partner it makes him act and
behave in a needy and desperate way. Women pick this up even before
you approach them. They can see it in your posture, your eyes, the way
you move your arms, and other aspects of your body language. Then
when you talk they can hear it in your voice and where you place your
hands. You shouldn't "want" a girlfriend or "need" a girlfriend. You should
choose to have one when you meet a woman that fits your criteria, won't
play silly games with you, and compliments your life, not impedes it.
Men typically want a girlfriend for the wrong reasons. Men should
"choose" to have a girlfriend, not "need" one because they are sucuumbing
to social pressure. There are times in my life where I did not have a
girlfriend for several years. That did not mean that I did not date. I went
out on plenty of dates, but I never called any of them my girlfriend. I've
had women tell me after a few months that they wanted to move in with
me and when I told them "no", they gave me an ultimatum.
Either take the relationship to the next level or she would end it. I would
always end it right there on the spot. The fact is that my self-esteem and
confidence are so high that I don't "need" a woman to originate my
happiness. I think of my life as dessert and that any woman who wants to
join me is simply the whip cream and strawberry on top. I'm not saying
that having a girlfriend is a bad thing. In fact, it's a good thing when it is
done for the right reasons.
