I Should Have Been on Oprah, But There’s Still Nascar

I was watching Oprah the other day and all of the sudden there was Grammar Girl talking about sentence structure and using the right words in the right ways. I couldn’t believe it. I’d read about promoting yourself to such levels, but never, in a million years, thought Oprah would be interested in doing a story about a grammar book. Grammar Girl wrote one. I wrote one too. The difference is she probably sold thousands, maybe even millions while my book sales have yet to reach the hundreds. Why? Is it because her book is better than mine? Probably not – I mean we ARE talking grammar here. But Oprah endorsed her book, she didn’t endorse mine. So, I think the answer is – promotion.

So what do I do now that the grammar circuit seems to be all sewed up? Would Letterman or Leno be interested in a grammar guru? Would they even want me now that Grammar Girl has been on Oprah? I have this vision of Grammar Girl appearing out of nowhere, ripping open her shirt to reveal a giant “G” and then correcting my grammar! Maybe I don’t need that kind of exposure. Maybe I need to think bigger. What would Grammar Girl do next – a radio talk show maybe? No let’s think bigger yet – I know, a TV show – yes that’s it! The Grammar Network – it would be great. I can see it now, all grammar all day all night. We could have specials on prepositions, interviews with proper nouns and discussions on dangling participles. Now that’s something that would be worthy of Letterman, Leno and maybe even the Today Show.

Starting my own television network is certainly out of the question so the next step will be for me to figure out whom to pitch my grammar network idea to. Now I know you’re probably wondering if whom was the correct word to use there. I think it was and here’s why: when I was watching Oprah, Grammar Girl said that whom should be used when you would use him. So in this case – whom would I pitch my idea too? Him. Anyway, I digress. It is obvious how important grammar is in our world and with the explosion of Internet use and e-Business, it is more important than ever to use proper grammar. Your first impression is often made through words.

I wonder if Ted Turner would be interested in such an idea or maybe Donald Trump – after all he does have Trump University. I’m sure grammar is important for every employee and Apprentice alike. Wait, I’ve got it. Nascar – they could really use a grammar guru in that bunch. Let me tell you what – proper sentence structure can carry you through any race! Oh, and what this grammar girl wouldn’t do to meet Kyle Petty or Dale Jr. In fact, now that I think about it, most businesses should have a grammar consultant on call 24/7 – you never know when the misuse of a word could land you in hot water! Whatever industry you’re in, writing wisely is always a plus.