"I'm 12 years old, and I’m supposed to be sleeping right now. It’s late on a school night, and I’m scared about being home alone. My parents are out partying with friends. I hope they'll be home soon. I hear them come in since my room is right over the garage. Sometimes my mom peeks in at me, but I pretend I am fast asleep. I just don’t want to smell her breath or deal with the way she is when she drinks. She’s a different person and I hate it!"
Fact: More than 6 million children—about 9 percent of all children—live with at least one parent who abuses or is dependent on alcohol or an illicit drug.
Fact: Approximately 10 percent of children with an addicted parent are aged 5 or younger.
"My dad asked me if I smoked up today and gave me a lecture about it. I wanted to laugh in his face. I mean, who does he think he’s fooling, acting all protective and concerned? Just last month, I watched him light up after dinner. And then there’s that smell that comes from his bedroom door on Sunday afternoons; like I don’t know what that is! Anyway, how can he come in here and tell me NOT to do something that I know he does?"
Fact: Parents who abuse or are dependent on alcohol are more likely to report household conflict than parents who do not abuse or depend on alcohol.
Parental Substance Abuse Raises Children’s Risk
When a parent has a substance abuse problem, it affects the children. The trust between child and parent can be damaged or destroyed. In addition, research shows that children of parents who abuse drugs are more at risk than their peers for delinquency, depression, poor school performance, and alcohol and drug use.4 Even though parental drug abuse is only one of several risk factors5 that can influence whether a child will abuse substances, it is a factor that parents have the most control over.
Fact: Young people with parents who are addicted to alcohol or illegal drugs are four times more likely to become addicted if they choose to drink alcohol or use illegal drugs.
Stick to the Facts
So what should you do? First, stick to the facts. Whether you are talking about the actual impact of a drug, the truth is stronger than any hype or clever cover-up that may come to mind. Further, you’ve raised a pretty smart kid who likely can tell when you are leaving something out or exaggerating. And if your child later finds out that you’ve lied, he most likely will feel betrayed and resentful.7 If you don’t feel you know enough to discuss alcohol or a specific illegal drug, you and your child can look up reliable, science-based drug information on the Internet.
Be Clear and Simple
Next, be clear and simple. Establishing clear no-use rules and messages for youth about drugs and alcohol is essential.8 Saying that one drug is better than another, or that it is okay to use in certain situations, sounds like approval. Offering “shades of gray” scenarios is also confusing and hard to understand.
Fact: Children who begin drinking alcohol before the age of 15 are five times more likely to develop alcohol problems than those who start drinking after age 21.
Examine Family Choices
You tell your child that she should never get into a car with a driver who has had any alcohol. But when Grandma drives herself home from an office party after having several drinks, what is your child supposed to think? What if that person driving is you or another family member? The old saying, “Do as I say, not as I do,” doesn’t work if you really want your child to grow up healthy and drug free. Children often see and figure out more than adults realize.
Keep the Lines of Communication Open
Maintaining open communication with your child is crucial, as is building trust and an atmosphere of love. Be honest, clear, and aware of the influence of words and actions. If someone important to your child and family does smoke, drink, or use illegal drugs, think about the effects these substances have on both body and mind. Then ask yourself what effects that use may have on your children. Consider striking up a conversation about these issues with the person in question.
Fact: Addiction to alcohol or drugs is a disease. When one member of the family has this disease, all members of the family are affected.
Practice What You Preach
In study after study, children name their parents among the major role models in their lives.11 Even the most rebellious teens still look to their parents for certain cues and examples. Use this attention to show your kids the healthy behaviors you’d like them to copy, and do everything you can to keep your child safe.
Fact: A child whose parent has a substance abuse problem is at greater risk for physical illness, injuries, and abuse.
