What do you tell your child?

Honesty is the best policy, especially in the case of adoption. The hardest questions are about �why did my real parents give me up?� You will want to make an effort to help preserve child�s self-esteem by telling them that their parents weren�t able to, for whatever reason, �take care of you as well as you deserved, so they made the decision to let you be free to join a family who would be able to give you the love and care you need.�

When your child points out that you don�t look alike admit that he/she is right and then let the child explain how that makes him/her feel. Children ask different questions at different times in their development. Considering the child's feelings will help you understand what�s really on the child�s mind.

Dealing with Bias, Discrimination and Bullying-

Any child who is perceived as somehow different, because of their family life, the color of their skin or the slant of their eyes, can be forced to deal with bullying. You are your child�s primary protector. Bullying needs to be dealt with straight away by intervening with teachers and other families. Children shouldn�t have to suffer bullying. However, you can go a long way towards preventing bullying if you actively help your child�s schoolmates understand and value the differences that your child contributes.

Consider asking your child�s teacher or the principal if you can present information about the different ways that families are formed as a special presentation in November, during National Adoption Month. The kids will learn that adoption is just one more way that a family is formed, just like how two previously married people blend their families or when a child goes to live with Grandma.

If yours is a child of color and/or a child from another country, teach his or her classmates about that culture so that your child is viewed as interesting and cool rather than different.

Rebellion-

Your child may become angry about being given up for adoption, anger at you and your spouse for adopting him or her, anger at everybody because his life has special challenges that they do not. Though every situation is different, adoptive parents generally try very hard to understand that anger and, most of all, to not take it personally.

The Joy of Adoption-

You may have some special challenges but you also experience the joy that comes with raising a child. Reach out and create friendships with other adoptive families. You will observe that they�re just extra special because they climbed a steeper path to create their families and they cherish those families even more for the extra effort it took to come together.

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Chris Dunn enjoys writing articles on the topic of birth for his pregnancy website.