Marriage counseling is a relatively recent phenomenon. Earlier the instances of marital discord were generally addressed by the family members, community leaders and church elders. However, with the demise of the joint family and the village culture and an increased secularization of society, the society is facing a dearth of understanding individuals, who can render effective marital advice. This lacuna has given way to the institution of marriage counseling. Considering the increase in the divorce rates in most of the Western countries in the recent years; marriage counseling is the most sought after of services. Even the state and the judiciary tend to take an active interest in this institution and zealously promote it.
If you feel that your marriage is on the rocks, certainly there is no harm in opting for marriage counseling. For this you will need the services of a good marriage counselor. A good marriage counselor is one who is a good listener. He listens to both the sides, not only attentively and with patience, but, tries to understand the issues involved and to create an understanding between the two spouses. Most of the lousy marriages suffer from a chronic communication barrier. The primary job of a marriage counselor is to break this barrier and to unplug the clogged channels of healthy communication. The marriage counselor often renders practical advice and helpful suggestions, to resolve the discord between the two spouses. It will be an added advantage, if the marriage counselor chosen by you has some grounding in the applied psychology. It is advisable to check the credentials and experience of a marriage counselor before hiring his services.
According to a recent survey, it was found that about 56 percent of the spouses tend to workout their differences on their own, then opting for a divorce. 37 percent of the participating spouses voted in favor of marriage counseling while the other 37 percent decided in favor of a divorce, rather then bearing with an unhappy marriage. Most of the marriages tend to be congenial, with spouses having moments of occasional discord. The thing to be kept in the mind is that all the couples have certain irreconcilable differences. A survey conducted a few years ago found that even the happily married couples tend to have at least ten irreconcilable differences on the average. Heated arguments and rough periods are to be faced by almost all the marriages. Luckily, most of the spouses manage to sale above them and succeed in maintaining marital harmony and peace. Considering these facts, if you are opting for marriage counseling, the chances are that your marriage has hit the rock bottom. Yet, still their exist certain bonds which are making you hold on. Marriage counseling can only turn out to be successful if both the spouses approach it with an open mind and a sincere desire to sort out their problems, so as to affect reconciliation. Accept it before hand that you and your spouse have a different set of values and different perceptions about issues. Be willing to face the suppressed negative emotions like anger, hatred, animosity and guilt. The more you two are aware of the distances between you, the more are the chances of you two coming each other closer after the counseling.
If you are going for marriage counseling, the intention should be not only to rescue your marriage, but to improve the overall quality of your marriage. The counseling should be taken with all sincerity by both the spouses and any half hearted or escapist approach should be avoided. Be willing to open up and share your grievances with each other in a civilized and polite way. Do not hold back anything and trust your counselor with all your pent up emotions and feelings. Above all, both the partners should be willing to change and believe me, change is a very difficult thing. However, if the intentions are honest and the heart is in the right place, things will work. Avoid the temptation to blame your spouse, marriage or circumstances for all the wrongs. It won’t work. Focus on the present and be ready to forgive and forget.
If the intensity of conflict between the two spouses is manageable and they are willing to work on their relationship, marriage counseling is certainly a salubrious option open to them.
