The underlying cause for the break up of any relationship is the lack of ability to sustain a lasting relationship on the part of one or both of the people involved. The basic underlying cause of this inability is immaturity. To be mature as a human being means one is, fully developed as a person and in a state of readiness to pursue something of value. A mature person has reached a plateau from where one sees self in relationship to others. He or she possesses the qualities needed to build a relationship based on common interests and possesses the willingness to grow and expand ones knowledge of self and another. A mature person seeks a relationship, in which he or she can love another with an uncompromising love. To seek a relationship is to seek someone to love, when seeking a relationship has as its goal, "to be loved" the relationship is already on a rocky path. Reconciliation may not be a wise pursuit.
The mature person refuses to be an enabler and refuses from the beginning to compromise in order to gain the love of another. We sometimes call love, physical attraction and attention from another, but this is not Love, often it is under the pretense of gaining love. When someone says, I love you; this may or may not be a true statement, although both parties may believe it at the time, because they unconsciously or even consciously crave love. This statement may simply mean I like the feeling I get when you ..., whatever it is you do for him or her. Those relationships in which both persons have reached a level of maturity, which allows them to communicate effectively in word, deed and moments of silence, are lasting relationships.
In considering, whether you should pursue rebuilding a broken relationship with an ex-wife or ex girlfriend, consider honestly the type of relationship you had. When is the last time you and your ex glanced across a crowded room and in that brief eye encounter both knew this as an exchange of mutual love. When was the last time you said to your ex: don't plan on cooking tonight I am taking you someplace special for dinner and then to the theater? . When is the last time your ex did something really, special for you just because of her love for you? How often have you proven your love simply by cleaning off the dinner table and sharing chores just to spend time in her presence? When is the last time your ex came and sat down beside you while you were watching a football game just to be with you, although she dislikes football? Was your relationship a mature relationship?
Copyright 2007 - Andres Berger gives advice on
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