Adoption is an exciting process. For you, the process took months, maybe years. However, to your child, it happened to them overnight. Suddenly you were there, taking him from the only environment he had ever known. There is little, if any, preparation for the child to adjust to a new life.
Your child is used to having caregivers...not a mother or father. You are simply a new caregiver initially. You will need to do things to prove you are different than the caregivers.
Initially, when you first get home with your child it is recommended to introduce family and friends slowly. It is tempting to have a big party but this can be very confusing and overwhelming to the child. They are still not completely attached to you and will randomly go to any adult that offers attention. Mom and Dad are not preferred yet.
It is recommended to keep family activities low key the first couple of weeks. Mom and Dad should be the only ones providing care during this time. The child needs to see who is in charge at home and who they can count on consistantly.
* Try to not use a babysitter for the first few months so the child can bond to his mother more completely.
* Do not let your child 'cry it out'. Sleep disruptions are common during this stage. After all, you have turned his entire world upside down and he will need to be comforted when upset.
* Help your child with things he can already do himself, like eating, or getting dressed so he learns you are the one in control and the one he will need if he wants these things.
* Play games that promote eye contant and in which your child must rely on you. Peek-a-boo, playing in a pool, hide and seek are all good games for this.
* Cradling the child like a baby, even if he is older, will offer him the experience of you holding him. This also forces eye contact again.
* Make a big deal of when they fall down and get hurt. You would never do this with your biological kids, but they already know to go to you when hurt or scared. Kids from institutions rarely get attention when hurt or scared and will rock or soothe themselves. They must be taught to trust you. It won't take long for them to figure this out.
The bonding time is just a short period of time after the adoption is finalized. It may seem like eternity to you, but it is well worth the effort when your child calls you Mom or Dad and really means it.
