I hear it time and time again: men complaining that their wives have lost their sex drive since they got married. Sometimes its extreme stress levels that need to be addressed with counseling or a visit to the doctor but many times it is something more simple. Often women lose their sex drive simply because of the daily routine, the "rut" and fast pace of life. The fresh beginning and butterflies-in-the stomach-love of the young marriage is over; and with it, the butterflies and extra energy. Once married for a while, every day is monotonous and marriage becomes a drag. The more of a rut, the more stress is created. As stresses pile up, her sex drive drops to zip.
The fact is, men are in the same boat. But the difference is that a husband under stress would love some sex to relive the anxiety. So on one hand, men need sex when they're stressed and women don't want it when they're stressed. Sounds like a cruel joke, doesn't it?
The truth is that many men lose their need to be attentive to their wives after the honeymoon is over. Since you're married, you don't need to try, right? Not! With romance replaced by routine and stress, her libido can dwindle over time to zip.
How do you get her libido back? Short answer: reduce her stress levels and court her like you did when you were younger. You can take control of the situation and change from the rut and taking your wife for granted to adding spark, passion and appreciation to your marriage.
Here are some areas to think about:
1. Find out more about your wife. Sounds kind of silly: of course you know your wife! But do you know all her likes and dislikes. I'm talking specifics. Do you know what she likes on her sandwiches? Do you know her favorite type of food? How does she like her steak? How does she take her coffee? Do you know what she likes to talk about? Knowing these little things will benefit you a lot. For example: when you make her a drink just right, she will notice.
2. Make her feel special. Romance and chivalry are not dead. If they are, then your sex life is dead, too - or at least it will be. Hold hands, hug her and tell her she's wonderful, write her a love letter - be thoughtful.
3. Be a husband your wife can trust. Never tell a lie, never cheat, be dependable and do what you say you're going to do. Yet this is not just the type of trust that comes with dependability - she has to trust you at her core. How does one build this deeper trust? It's in your reactions. For example: what do you do when she addresses a difficult relationship issue? Do you get defensive and sarcastic, or do you listen and talk it over with her. Anger will foster fear of approaching you - no trust there. She has to trust you with her inner thoughts and feelings. Then she will feel a connection to you; and that means she will desire you more.
4. Connect with her. She needs to have a connection with you on an emotional level. Not enough time? Then turn off the TV, get out a snack, turn on some music and sit and chat. This will do wonders.
5. Don't have expectations. When you're being extra nice to her, she's going to smell the "She better be hot tonight" idea forming in your mind. Don't have that thought and it will take the pressure off.
6. Serve your wife. Basically, do whatever you can to give her rest and time to re-charge. If she has less stress, she'll have energy for more passion.
When you do these things, feel good about the joy you bring her. Love her and she will feel it and respond in kind. It will become less like work and more like a passion - and then you'll see that she has passion and desire you forgot was there.
