I became a widow at forty-seven years of age. I'd always thought my husband and I would be together forever, or at least a lot longer than twenty years. We have three boys, who at the time were eleven, eighteen and nineteen. When the reality of my situation sank in, I ran the gamut of emotions...shock, fear, an utter stillness of nothing, a frenzy of activity, and on and on. Emotions took me on a roller coaster ride of non-delight. One day, not too long after my husband's memorial service, I recall waking up one morning. As I lay in bed, it came to me very clearly, "what do I do with the rest of my life?" I was suddenly overwhelmed with fear.
I figured I had at least another forty years. Little did this ending in my life would lead me on to another beginning, another wonderful and empowering phase of my life. Four years later, I'm still in the midst of this incredible, uncharted process. I recently wrote a memoir of my last five years, starting with the diagnosis of my husband's cancer. I know in my heart that even though I wrote it as a catharsis for myself, other women needed to read it. I was hesitant to share anything so personal, but other women need to know in the grieving process they're not crazy or different or alone. My dreams have changed and my life has taken unexpected twists and turns, and I wouldn't change any of it. Incredibly, none of it. I am where I am supposed to be and there is no going back, only forward.
http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com
Tags: emotions, shock, seven years, frenzy, diagnosis, cancer, dreams, midst, twenty years, forty years, roller coaster ride, memoir, twists and turns, rest of my life, gamut, grieving process, unexpected twists, catharsis, elaine williams
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