Suck Up Those Dust Hippos
By David Leonhardt
The sun was shining. The refrigerator was humming. The kids
were stapling each other to the bathroom door. It was a typical,
peaceful day around our house. Until I decided to vacuum.
"Make sure to vacuum under the bed," my wife called out.
I stopped to consider this unexpected twist in the plot. It
would require bending down, maybe even crawling on all floors and
hauling unrecognizables from the very depths of Mordor. I had
planned to just vacuum my usual cool racing stripe down the
middle of the hall.
I decided not to accept the mission. "I can't."
"Why in heavens not?" my wife demanded as she came into the room.
"We have to protect the ecosystem."
"The ecosystem?" my wife asked.
"A wetland is an essential component of the ecosystem, serving as
a repository for pollutants and a safety valve to prevent
flooding from nearby rivers."
"What on earth does that have to do with vacuuming under the
bed?" my wife wanted to know.
"Just take a look. Under our bed is our household wetland."
"Nothing wet there. All I see is dust," my wife remarked with one
of those here-we-go-again looks.
"Exactly. Dust as far as the eye can see. Our bed serves a
vital role in our household ecosystem by acting as a repository
for surplus dust, thereby preventing it from recirculating onto
the counters, along the baseboards and into our three-bean
casserole."
I could tell by the look on my wife's face that she finally
understood. I had convinced her that we should not vacuum under
the bed. I prepared to magnanimously accept her apology.
"Just vacuum it up," she said.
Oh, no. Another unexpected twist in the plot. I tried again.
"There is nothing under the bed but dust bunnies. You would not
want me to suck up cute little bunnies, would you?
"Those are not bunnies," she replied.
"They're not?"
"No. Bunnies are small and cute. Those are big and ugly. They
are dust hippos," she explained.
"Dust hippos?"
"Yes, now suck up the dust hippos," she demanded.
"They can't be hippos."
"Bunnies live in forests and grasslands. Hippos live in rivers
and swamps. If that's a swamp, those are hippos," she declared.
"Now suck 'em up."
"I can't do that. Hippos are an endangered species."
"What makes you say that?" my wife wanted to know.
"Well, you don't see too many of them going for second helpings
at the Golden Dragon Buffet or meandering through the park on
their unicycles or hailing a cab outside the train station, do
you?"
My wife looked at me as if I had just said something strange.
"That's because hippos live in Africa."
"Oh."
"Vacuum up the dust hippos," she added.
"But that's our swamp the dust hippos are swimming in. What about
our ecosystem?"
"Swamps are wet, forests are dry," she replied.
"What on earth does that have to do with vacuuming under the
bed?"
"Just take a look under there. Dry. Dry. Dry. That's not a
wetland," she answered.
"It's not?"
"No. It's like a dry forest just before the forest fire," she
responded. "The forest fire your vacuum will create."
This was another unexpected twist in the plot. "You want me to
set fire to the forest of our household ecosystem? That would be
devastating."
"Occasional forest fires are a vital element in a healthy
ecosystem, essential to the regeneration of many species of
plants," she recited.
"Really?"
"Yes. It's right there on page 943 of the Household Ecosystem
Analogies Management Guide."
Reluctantly, I bent down and sent the vacuum on its first sub-bed
reconnaissance mission. Sigh. Who could have known that my wife
had memorized the entire Household Ecosystem Analogies Management
Guide?
Still, I wondered what the hippos were doing wading in a forest.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
David Leonhardt publishes The Happy Guy humor column:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.htmlAnd A Daily Dose of Happiness:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/daily-happiness-free-ezine.htmlRead his personal growth articles at:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/self-actualization-articles.htmlAs well as owner of the Liquid Vitamin Supplements Store:
http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.netABOUT THE AUTHOR: (in HTML)
Instead of vacuuming, David Leonhardt prefers writing
href=http://www.TheHappyGuy.com/positive-thinking-free-
ezine.html>his weekly humor column and his href=http://www.thehappyguy.com/daily-happiness-free-ezine.html>
Daily Dose of Happiness ezine. Read his href=http://www.thehappyguy.com/self-actualization-articles.html>
personal growth columns or get healthy with some of his href=http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.net>natural vitamin
supplements.
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David Leonhardt
The Happy Guy
Info@...
http://www.thehappyguy.com/l/daily-motivation-inspiration.php
