Stop Self-Improvement

The field of self-improvement is literally exploding as a groundswell of people scurry to improve their lives. New self-improvement books, tape programs, and seminars are born every minute, along with the people who attend them. While it's natural to assume that efforts to improve ourselves will lead to a better life, this assumption is false. Bear with me for the next few moments, as I invite you to seriously consider giving up self-improvement.

So what do you do if you're not all that happy with your life? Our typical response is to try to fix it by doing, getting, or taking something to be happy. The more proactive among us turn to self-improvement. We begin looking at how we need to be different, or how we need to change what we're doing. This often brings discomfort around "the way things are." We begin to resist, even detest, "what is."

This causes a shift in our awareness to what is possible. This is good thing. But it also tends to create a blind spot or resistance toward who or where we are now.
Real change happens to the degree that we fully accept and surrender to "what is." Any resistance to what is removes us from the forces of evolution and growth, which are key attributes of life itself.

Imagine a small oak tree that will someday grow into a mighty oak. Do you think this oak will achieve its future magesty by thinking, planning, and diligently working to "improve" itself? I don't think so. That which the oak tree is to be, is already realized within it, even as a seed. This is true of you as well.

When we fully accept what we are doing and who we are being in every fiber of our being, telling ourselves the truth about what is, we have the clarity we need to make a different choice…now! If who you're being or what you're doing isn't working for you, simply change…now. Here's an example.

You discover that your partner is frequently frustrated by your reluctance to share your feelings-an all to common predicament for us men! Now suppose you agree that she is right and you decide that you want to change how you communicate with her. You buy all the books in Oprah's Book Club. You read and practice all the exercises. Yet despite all your efforts, you find yourself defaulting to your usual behavior. After a couple or ten years of this, you finally realize. Hey, I don't really want to change the way I relate to people. I'm just not comfortable sharing my feelings the way someone else wants me too. It rubs against my grain.

So one day you give up and you decide, I'm going to stop trying to change this. You tell your partner how you feel about expressing your feelings and…Eureka! Her eyes well up with tears as she gently says, "But you just did and I love it." All she wanted from you was for you to be yourself and to show yourself to her. In this, you discover that the change you wanted didn't require you to do anything. It only required you to slow down, catch up with who you are, and express it.

Here are some suggestions for getting out of your own way while cultivating access to your intuition, insight, and natural intelligence. Follow these steps to stop the self-improvement frenzy while making space for radically positive change to happen naturally.

- Upgrade your environments. Just as the oak tree's environment has a lot to do with how it grows up, the same is true for you. But unlike the oak tree, we humans have the ability to mold our environments to a large degree. We can select the people we spend time with, the groups we associate with, the media we expose ourselves to, the communities where we reside, the physical environments we design for ourselves, and so on. Create, upgrade, and live in the best possible environment you can, then get out of your own way and let your environment facilitate your evolution.

- Accept where you are right now. Get clear and honest about where you are and who you are being. This gets your attention and your attention is curative. The light of your attention is like a magnifying glass focusing the light of the sun. Over time, that which you find distasteful within yourself will dissolve or transform under the light of your full attention and presence.

- Meditate daily. Meditation is one of the most powerful exercises you can do to cultivate your attention and clear the path for your soul to express its greatness. My favorite book on meditation is, "Meditation," by Eknath Easwaren. Meditation is about "not doing," in such a way as deeper insights and clarity come to you so that your growth is optimized with the least amount of effort, and in the peace of nature's timing.

- Be decisive. You only exist in this moment. So stop trying to change or improve yourself "for the future." This is a misuse of your energy. Simply decide to do whatever it is you're feeling called to do right now. Or decide not to do it. Tomorrow, or in the next moment, you'll have the opportunity to decide again. Your power rests in your decision. As yoda said, "There is no try. Either do or not do." And I say consider this…decide now to do or not do. Making a decision affirms your power and clears a path for your inspiration to find you and show you the next step.

We all want the same thing. We all simply want to be happy. While we think happiness comes from getting something, being something, or doing something special. In truth, just as we respond to life, life responds to us in each and every moment by reflecting back to us our current "state of being." When we keep trying to do or get something hoping it will bring us happiness, the universe responds by "resonating" with "who we are being right now, that is, hoping to be happy someday.

So stop self-improvement and practice self-awareness. You'll then find yourself, in each moment, with all the resources, guidance, and inspiration you need, with no "improvement" necessary.


About the Author: Steve Davis, M.A., M.S., is a former electrical engineer turned trainer, facilitator, business and life coach, and infopreneur. He coaches small business owners, people in transition, leaders, and cultural creatives over the phone and Internet. Steve helps people cut through the fog, and chart a clear course to a purposeful and passionate life. Contact Steve for a free exploratory session at www.livingmastery.com. Subscribe to his free weekly ezine for group leaders at www.MasterFacilitatorJournal.com and check out his virtual university, packed with information for group leaders and participants at www.FacilitatorU.com. "Stop" in and let's stop self-improvement