It's a Sick World
By David Leonhardt
It's no joy to be sick. It's even less joy when your child is
sick. But the most unjoy is when you AND your child are sick
together.
That happened to my poor wife a few weeks ago. She and Little
Lady, going on three years old, both had a cold -- with all the
sneezing and wheezing, hacking and coughing, wailing and whining
required for a certificate of authenticity.
Little Lady normally bubble-pops with zest and vigor. Actually
"bursting at the seems, bouncing off the walls and ka-booming
through the roof" would be a more accurate description. So it
was quite eerie to see her mope around like the drooping leaves
of a Siberian Peonies that's been fed too much stale beer...not
that I have a clue how the drooping leaves of a Siberian Peonies
that's been fed too much stale beer would look.
Every now and then, the moping would be punctuated with a sneeze.
Little Lady has a most flamboyant sneezing style, adorning the
walls in unique patterns. No corner of the room is safe when she
sneezes. In fact, her projection has taught her baby sister in
her playpen across the room the fine art of dodging.
While I was cleaning up Little Lady's flamboyance, my wife was
trying to sooth a sore throat that was threatening to rip her
very insides apart. Normally she doesn't drink tea. Normally we
don't even use the kettle, except to heat water for warming up
the baby's bottle.
But this day was different. My wife was sick and she wanted a
cup of tea. So she turned on the already full kettle, waited for
it to sing, poured the water over a tea bag and sat down to enjoy
a soothing cup of tea.
I walked into the room. Frequent readers will recognize this
critical error of mine from past columns. You'd think I would
learn.
"This tea is soooo good, honey," she said.
"Uh, where did the water come from?"
"It was in the kettle. You know, not only is it soothing, but I
feel like it's cleaning out my entire insides," she smiled.
"That wasn't water in the kettle."
"What was it?" her eyes were wide in alarm.
"CLR."
"Phfrttpfrt!!!!" she blurted out. Suddenly I felt like a soggy
version of our sneeze-adorned walls. I love being part of a new
fashion trend.
When both your wife and daughter are sick, housework suffers.
Not only are there fewer hands to clean things up, but those
hands are more needy than usual. So it was with particular pride
that I had managed on day 4 of their cold to actually catch up on
washing the dishes.
OK, so I didn't quite catch up, but I was at the point where the
stove and the table were clear of dishes. This was partly due to
my uncanny talent for balancing dirty dishes several layers high
on the counter, but it was also partly due to an hour-and-a-half
of washing. All I could think was, "Nobody had better use any of
these dishes after I spent so much time washing them."
SNEEZE!!! Oh no...more flamboyance. I put down the dish cloth
and headed to the living room to survey the damage.
As I entered the living room...SNEEZE!!! I was becoming a
professional sponge. All I needed was a certificate of
authenticity to prove my credentials.
Before I could decide what to do next, I heard the distinct sound
of juice being mixed in the very juice pitcher I had just
finished washing.
I darted for the kitchen. "Noooo. I just washed that pitcher.
Don't dirty it already." I lunged at my startled wife, and it
took only a second to realize how useful I would have been to the
Dallas Cowboys. And how useless I was in our kitchen.
It's no joy to be sick. It's even less joy when your child is
sick. The most unjoy is when you AND your child are sick
together. But if you want to be 100% free from all trace of joy,
get sick while your child is sick and ask your sneeze-adorned
husband to tackle you in the kitchen while you are trying to mix
juice to wash the taste of CLR from your mouth.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
David Leonhardt publishes The Happy Guy humor column:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.htmlRead more humor articles:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/humor-articles.htmlOr on personal growth and self-actualization
http://www.thehappyguy.com/self-actualization-articles.htmlGet your liquid vitamins:
http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.netABOUT THE AUTHOR: (in HTML)
David Leonhardt publishes
href=http://www.TheHappyGuy.com/positive-thinking-free-
ezine.html>The Happy Guy humor column. Read more href=http://www.thehappyguy.com/humor-articles.html>humor
articles or articles on href=http://www.thehappyguy.com/self-actualization-articles.html>
personal growth and self-actualization. Get liquid vitamins
at http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.net>The Liquid
Vitamin Supplements Store.
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David Leonhardt
The Happy Guy
Info@...
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