Caveman Jack's Self-cleaning Oven
By David Leonhardt
We live in a self-cleaning oven. Not literally, of course. We
would burn up if we did. Those things get really HOT!
In fact, self-cleaning ovens get so hot that they burn orange
juice to a crisp. They get so hot that they melt thermometers.
The produce enough hot air to replace the entire American Senate,
the British Parliament and the Canadian PMO put together.
Unfortunately, certain trade barriers and constitutional clauses
impede the replacement of deadwood political assemblies by
modern, efficient self-cleaning ovens.
The self-cleaning oven is part of the "oven" genus of machines.
Households these days also boast a microwave oven, a toaster, a
toaster oven, a waffle maker, a bread maker, a popcorn cooker, an
auto-shut kettle and several other specialty "ovens". The
combined hot air form all these cooking machines could turn any
ordinary home into an instant Parliament.
Like the self-cleaning oven, everything is automated these days.
It makes life so easy. In fact, the machines could almost run
the world without us. Almost.
The ovens practically clean themselves. My great, great, great
uncle, Caveman Jack, had to clean his oven with a stick. The
hardest part was trying to figure out which rock was the oven.
Automated doors at the grocery store open and close even when
nobody walks through...except for those few that still function
properly.
Lights turn on an off on their own, as long as there is somebody
there to applaud, which brings me to question the self-esteem of
lighting fixtures.
Lint gets caught in the lint trap. Caveman Jack had to trap his
own lint, but then somebody invented the clothes dryer, and
people have not had to hunt for lint ever since.
Planes fly on autopilot these days. Gone are the days when
Caveman Jack had to pedal over a cliff to take flight. Now
pilots can sit back, sip a drink and snooze while airplanes fly
themselves. Word is that Al Qaeda has developed a self-hijacking
plane, but they can't seem to develop a customer base.
Television remote controls, officially called "doodadders", have
made legs virtually redundant, except for bathroom breaks. In
Caveman Jack's days, they had to get up off their rocks to change
the channels. If Caveman Jack had had a doodadder, he might
still be sitting on his rock praying that somebody will soon
invent a bathroom.
To be frank, I think the Office of Modern Conveniences has
misguided priorities. My oven doesn't need cleaning all that
badly. But my office does. And so does my kitchen. And my
laundry room. And my bathroom. Why doesn't somebody invent a
self cleaning bathroom?
Oops. I forgot. Somebody did invent a self-cleaning bathroom.
On our honeymoon in Rome, we used the bathroom in a Roman Metro
station. As soon as we left the bathroom the automatic door shut
and the bathroom was rinsed from sprinklers all around.
Did I mention that Caveman Jack was a sugar sculptor? He carved
lovely sculptures of rocks out of sugar. What if one day, while
riding the Roman Metro to a sugar sculpture showing, Caveman Jack
suddenly had to rush to the washroom?
Leaving the washroom, he remembers his prize sculpture entitled
"Rock" sitting on the bathroom floor. Too late. The automatic
doors close. The water flushes the bathroom clean.
Later that day at the sugar sculpture exhibit, everyone gathers
'round and marvels at the latest offering by Caveman Jack:
"Little Rock".
Caveman Jack is probably happy that he doesn't have a self-
cleaning oven. Too much convenience is not always good for the
soul. Besides, there's nothing like an open fire to cook a juicy
mammoth steak.
Saaaay...how about a self-cleaning fire pit?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
David Leonhardt is a freelance writer: He is author of:
Inspiration & Motivation To Go:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/l/daily-motivation-inspiration.phpThe Get Happy Workbook:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/happiness-work-book.htmland Climb Your Stairway to Heaven: the 9 habits of maximum
happiness:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/happiness-self-help-book.htmlTo write your website copy, newsletter or anything else, email
him at:
info@...ABOUT THE AUTHOR: (in HTML)
David Leonhardt is a freelance writer: He is author of
href=http://www.thehappyguy.com/l/daily-motivation-
inspiration.php>Inspiration & Motivation To Go and href=http://www.thehappyguy.com/happiness-self-help-book.html>
Climb Your Stairway to Heaven: the 9 habits of maximum happiness
, as well as http://www.thehappyguy.com/happiness-
workbook.html>The Get Happy Workbook. To write your website
copy, newsletter or award winning biodegradable cereal box copy,
info@...>just email him.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
David Leonhardt
The Happy Guy
Info@...
http://www.thehappyguy.com/l/daily-motivation-inspiration.php
