Too many couples argue about money. ("But what else is important
enough to argue over?" I hear you say!) Well, I've been in more than
a few of those arguments myself over the years, and I'm not
particularly proud of the fact. Especially as I'm an avid science-
fiction buff, and my childhood hero-author Robert A. Heinlein penned
a four word solution to this issue well before I got out of grade
school:
BUDGET THE LUXURIES FIRST!
Strictly speaking, his advice was preceded by another maxim as
well. "Sovereign ingredient for a happy marriage: Pay cash or do
without. Interest charges not only eat up a household budget;
awareness of debt eats up domestic felicity." Today, that advice gets
abused eight ways to Sunday, as the average household is currently
carrying credit card debt to the tune of over $10,000. Assuming an
interest rate of 18%, this works out to about 150 bucks a month going
to the credit card company. That's money NOT available for things
like fresh flowers on your desk... new skis... upgrading to gourmet
coffees and wines for daily consumption, or dinner out (including
tips and babysitter).
Luxury item #1: Get out of consumer debt
Being debt-free is an incredible luxury! There are a ton of books and
articles out there already on how to budget and avoid debt, so I
won't hold forth on how to do it. The important issue is WHY to do
it. And the answer is simple. Peace of mind is the ultimate luxury!
Luxury item #2: Make some time to make a wish list!
While putting the wheels in motion on reducing debt, there's a
happier issue to think through as well: What is it you really want
out of life? Peace of mind (and of household) starts with asking
these Really Big Questions!
More importantly (assuming you actually care about your
relationship), what is it your partner craves? If you don't know,
well... it can be fun finding out. Too many financial planning
exercises are painful, which is why not enough people do them. This
exercise, finding out what really matters to you both, isn't.
What are the things in life that really feel like luxury to you? Now
is the time to identify them, and separate out the smaller, less
satisfying things you're paying for that keep you from getting
what you really want.
To keep to the spirit of fun, I've found it's useful to agree to
some
simple ground rules:
- Make some unbroken wish list time for the two of you
- There are no such things as 'silly ideas' or 'waste of money' items
during the wish list time (that will come later on during a reality-
check period)
- No impulse spending during the wish list time! Window shop if you
want, share a seat in front of the computer if you're looking
onlineā
my preference is to go hang out in antique markets and bohemian
shopping districts for ideas, but you might prefer to go visit a
travel agent's office or web site. It DOESN'T matter!
- Each partner gets equal time to show off their ideas if they want
it.
Being realistic, there will, of course, be a price tag associated
with the wish list. Also being realistic, not all luxuries cost an
arm and a leg, either. If you have the iron will to make a strict
budget and do without so that you can go hang out in Tuscany for a
month next fall, good for you (and yours!) If you're like me,
though, it may make sense to make do with lesser luxuries.
Luxury item #3: Keep looking until you find reasonably-
priced luxuries that really make your life more worth living, then
revel in them!
That's all it takes. If you get this far, you've done a few
extremely healthy things. For starters, you've actually talked to
your sweetie about money, without it being a crisis! You've spent
some time dreaming together. You've examined your debt and thought
about what it's costing you. And with any luck, you've found at
least one thing you can enjoy without feeling guilty about what it's
costing youā because it's an investment in your piece of mind.
--
Ū Andy White, budget guy for Coudy Coffee - because life is too
short for mediocre coffee. For gourmet coffee and espresso; coffee
gifts, information and resources, visit
http://www.coudycoffee.com.
