Here's part three in the four part series of articles about the representational systems of communication. Previously I wrote an overview of the different systems and how we can use these to gain rapport for easier persuasion and then went into more detail about visual language. Well, with a title containing the words 'touchy feely' this can only be about kinesthetic language, words that describe things in a way so as to be touching and feeling.
Gaining rapport with our clients and prospects requires that we continue to build upon our ability to understand how people construct and interact with reality. The kinesthetically oriented person will interact with the world through touch and feel.
You'll know you're talking to a kinesthetic person if they grasp for how they want to say things. They may physically mirror your movements, oftentimes and unconsciously, mirroring and matching your movements. Kinesthetic people are the easiest to mirror as well, (at least physically) because they will want to nod their heads as you nod yours. Their hands are important as they may speak with them, and may also rub their own hands or legss or arms as they speak to you.
A perfect example, and the epitome of kinesthesia, is Bill Clinton's famous, "I feel your pain" quote, made more notorious by his predilections.
Where visual people speak quickly with lots of words, zipping right along and auditory people speak a bit slower in either a sing-songy way or with a flat monotone, the kinesthetic person will speak much slower and often appears to be struggling to put what they are thinking into the proper words.
Some really obvious kinesthetic words can be either tactile, as in the sense of feeling hot, cold, firm, vibrating, soft or feeling in an emotional sense--joy, anger, excitement.
If someone is standing so close to you so as to touch you, they are likely to be kinesthetically oriented. These people do not mind being touched (within reason) and a pat on the shoulder or arm, or a hug, will please them. Standing close to them is never a problem as they are not creating visual images which they project between you and them, as visually oriented people are.
Kinesthetic people often struggle for their words. They . . .draw things out. . . and are really. . . working at what they are going to say.
Another clue is the eye contact. Visual people look up, auditory people will glance side-to-side or level, and kinesthetic people, as a general rule, will look down.
I recently read an article about a junior high school student, thirteen years old, who was cited with several infractions by his school in Virginia for hugging a friend. He would have been cited as well for handshakes, pats on the back, hand holding, or any other sort of touch. Apparently, the school has a 'no physical contact' policy mandating all touch of any sort off limits.
I found this incredibly strange at first, but as I thought about it further, I realized the incredible disservice and impediment being perpetrated against the kinesthetic students at these schools. Harmful or inappropriate touch should definitely be off limits and against the policy (as it is at every other school), but no physical contact at all seems a very dangerous precedent to set.
Coming soon: Auditory Adventures.
Kenrick Cleveland teaches techniques to sell to affluent clients using
persuasion strategies. He runs unique public and private seminars and offers home study courses, audio/visual learning tools, and coaching programs in
persuasion techniques. Find more free articles at
www.MAXpersuasion.com/blog. Be sure to sign up for his free report entitled "Yes! Persuasion."
