First, a distinction. When I teach about 'towards and away' personalities, I get asked, 'Kenrick, isn't an away from person just a negative person?' My answer is no. That's not the case at all. There are negative people in the world who will complain about anything, but someone who is moving away from a problem does not necessarily have a negative attitude in life.
'If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.' It's one of those things adults say to kids all the time. But I'm of the opinion that not everything has to be nice. Putting a happy face on each and every disappointment, not allowing for the lows in life, takes away from the complexity of experience. I'm not suggesting to not have a good attitude when bad things happen, but life is made up of ups and downs and to deny the downs, cuts us off from feeling how good the ups can feel with something to contrast it to.
However, it is quite difficult to be around people who complain nonstop. When someone around us views the world through inconvenience and misery, it brings us down, especially if we are with them for long stretches of time or on a daily basis. We become depleted trying to combat the negativity.
To me, whether a person is positive or negative is less important than honesty. However, I'm much more interested in being around people who know that their thoughts are manifesting their reality thus tend to attract positive folks.
Back to the 'towards/away' continuum. . . Like all of these continuums, they are context specific. Someone can be towards when it comes to relationships and away when it comes to finances.
Determining towards and away is as easy as eliciting criteria (in fact, it is eliciting criteria). Say your client's highest value is financial security. Your next question is: What will having financial security do for you ultimately?
Security is tricky because it can be both a towards and away answer. The answer is important because it will determine their direction.
'Financial security will mean that I'm finally safe. I won't have to worry about my investments, I won't have to worry about my family, I'll be able to retire when I want.'
Is this a toward solution or a movement away from a problem?
This is definitely an away from answer.
I call the technique which is most effective with away from people 'backing the ambulance up to the door'. In this approach you are poking at wounds, really helping them wallow in their fear and then marrying your product or service with the path to financial security.
An appropriate away from response would be, 'You bet. Exactly. It's absolutely understandable that you'd feel terrified. The market is a dangerous place right now. People are going to lose fortunes. Having no alternate plan, no parachute, is going to ruin many lives. My clients, however, have moved beyond that fear as they work with me, and are, as a result, safe and secure.'
Determination of towards/away is a really powerful tool enriching rapport immeasurably. Never try to force the away oriented person to see the silver lining or look through rose colored glasses. Go along with them and help them bask in the fear and horror that you can eventually relieve them of.
Kenrick Cleveland teaches techniques to sell to affluent clients using
persuasion strategies. He runs unique public and private seminars and offers home study courses, audio/visual learning tools, and coaching programs in
persuasion techniques. Find more free articles at
www.MAXpersuasion.com/blog. Be sure to sign up for his free report entitled "Yes! Persuasion."
