Ideally, parenting small children would include a completely flawless move from the pure and precious baby phase to the helpful and sensible child. The truth is, high expectations can crumble even before the Terrible Two's as the heavenly baby morphs into a self willed little individual who craves independence despite the fact that they are ill equipped, psychologically or developmentally, to successfully handle it. It is completely understandable that parents are concerned about raising their child right amid the surge of friends giving counsel and the excessive supply of "How To Parent" books cluttering the bookshelves. Blended families have the potential to be even more complicated, due to the competing views of the fathers house and the mothers house.
As stated by two parenting experts, Foster Cline & Jim Fay, the fundamental steps for effective parenting are:
1. Set definite limits with enforceable statements
2. Allow the child to make choices and experience logical consequences of those actions. "Consultant" is the name for this parenting method. It helps children understand how to think for themselves which serves as a great asset all throughout their lives.
As my granddaughter would travel from her dad's home to her mother's, she regularly got confused about the rules of behavior for each home. Where she was able to get away with throwing tantrums and manipulating at her father's house, she encountered clear expectations and boundaries from her mom.
A kind prompt from her mom, such as "Hmmm, I think you may have forgotten about your choices here in this home" would almost always transform my granddaughter from whining and commanding to being respectful and happy - her mother was happily surprised at what a difference being a consistent consultant made in the level of harmony in their life, despite the fact that her father used a completely different strategy in his home.
It's never too early to start laying down limitations and permitting kids to learn from the rational consequences of choices. The enjoyment of parenting takes a lot of practice. Here are a few areas where you can begin setting foundations of raising responsible, intelligent, cooperative children:
1. Bedtime- Set a bedtime and a consistent routine that directs your child to her bedroom with the firm expectation that she must remain there, settle down and fall asleep.
2. Meal times- Schedule a weekly mealtime where everyone contributes from a list of food choices and preparation and clean up. Allow the youngest kids to choose from the easiest jobs to make them feel responsible and valued. Model and reinforce table manners.
Each and every parent wishes to bring up trustworthy, confident, happy children, and even though it's difficult to get serious about this when they are only babies or toddlers, it's vital to expose them to the logical consequences of behavior. When they can comprehend the correlation between their behavior and the reactions of their parents, it's time to start. This happens between the ages of 7-9 months.
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Emily Bouchard, has more than 18 years of experience in dealing with children and families to deal with adversity. She has a Master's Degree in Social Work and a Bachelor's degree in Child Development. Emily is also a caring stepmother to two young women who were teenagers when she entered their lives. She publishes a free
Blended Families newsletter.
