“I know what to do, I just don’t do it.”

You may be among the thousands, maybe even millions of individuals, who utter these words constantly. You diet. You lose weight. And yet, here you sit, perhaps heavier than you’ve ever been. You’re frustrated, you’re confused, you’re angry, maybe you are even hopeless. I would be, too, if I were you.

Unfortunately so many who offer weight loss services are not completely versed in all aspects of obesity, compulsive eating and food addiction – particularly the psychology of weight loss, and more important, the psychology of weight control.

In my almost 20 years of clinical work as a “psycho-nutritionist” (a term I coined for a small group of elite professionals who deals seamlessly with nutrition, weight control, food issues and the psychological dynamics that impact them), I have certainly identified psychological themes that keep clients stuck until these themes are dealt with successfully.

Because we are powerless to change what we do not understand, we must first understand the themes at work. Allow me to introduce you to one set of three psychological themes that keep people overweight. These themes will “drive the bus” from behind the scenes until they are flushed out.

In a workshop recently, a lady whom I will call Barbara lamented, “I start losing weight just fine, but as soon as people begin telling me how great I look - I stop the losing weight.” I wish I knew why I do that!”

A critical part of the workshop revealed the psychological themes that keep folks overweight. There are three general themes that will give rise to what Barbara had experienced.

Theme #1: American culture today brainwashes young girls (and adult “girls”) to believe that their value lies not in their intelligence – not in their ability to accomplish the extraordinary – but rather in the “arm candy” they can provide for the guy next to them. I have known individuals who refuse to “appear” to buy into this.

This theme resonated for Barbara.

Theme #2: It is well documented in the scientific literature that, in American culture, less is expected of those who are deemed “fat”. If one is fearful of the increased responsibility that comes with “success”, or the risks associated with “failure”, fat accumulation can be a “safe haven” of sorts.

Theme #3: Because American culture esteems “thin and curvy” in women, a larger body size is considered “less attractive”. Therefore, larger women are at less risk for physical and emotional intimacy. Again, extra body fat can be a “safe haven”.

A critically important “umbrella” theme underlies Theme #2 and Theme #3. Why would one be fearful of the increased responsibilities that come with “success”, the risks associated with “failure”, or the “risks” associated with emotional and physical intimacy? This is the right question.

You may begin to access the answer to this question by asking yourself, “On a scale of 1-10, ‘1’ being ‘really like, love, care for and respect’ and ‘10’ being ‘really do NOT like, love, care for and respect’, how do you like you?”

Anything less than “7” or “8” is likely problematic.

Many of us have, because of dynamics in our formative years, identified ourselves as “worthless”, “flawed”, “broken”, “unlovable”, “unfixable” – you fill in the blank. What if I fail to live up to the increased responsibilities that come with success? What if I fail? What if I’m found out for the “fraud” I know myself to be? Intimacy, whether emotional or physical, certainly puts me at greater risk for being “found out”.

Given the perceived risk, carrying around extra body fat is a viable means of protection, coping and survival until these self-loathing issues can be worked through.

Gary Avignon, a nationally recognized psychotherapist known as “The Weight Wizard”, specializes with the psychology of nutrition, compulsive eating and weight loss. He is the author of a revolutionary new book, Weight Wizardry 101: Introduction to The Psychology of Successful Weight Control. YOU can nab Chapter One, “The Single Biggest Secret That Causes Diet Failure”, for *FR*EE* for a limited time at http://www.theweightwizard.com.