After 3 years of marriage, it was obvious that the honeymoon period was over. In fact, it had been for quite some time. My wife and I had hit a plateau in our relationship, and it had become apparent that our communication skills were diminishing. Whether it was her taking things the wrong way or me not appearing to be listening, it seemed like there was always some sort of foul exchange or misunderstanding that would disquiet the beasts within.
Granted, we hadn't been married long, but both of us came to understand the importance of nurturing our union in its early phases by correcting little problems before they grew into parasites that slowly sucked the life out of our marriage. The fact of the matter is, we loved each other so much that no matter how bad things got, we knew we would stick it out. We are both passionate people, but sometimes that passion is channeled into anger and frustration. One thing we could agree upon, however, was that we needed marriage counseling.
My wife and I began a search for Raleigh, NC marriage counselors. It didn't take us long to find someone we felt immediately comfortable with, who had the skills and background to help us meet our goals. The process started off well and followed a smooth course thereafter. I think my wife and I had an advantage in that we both wanted to make things better and our relationship was still so young. Our marriage counselor applauded us for seeking him out early, saying that the fact that we are taking the initiative now meant that not only would our marriage last, it would flourish.
Other couples have asked us what we learned in relationship counseling that has made us so much stronger. I guess the most important things I learned were how to communicate more effectively and how to let my wife know that I hear what she's saying. My wife would say that she is learning to let go of her defensiveness by being calmly responsive rather than reactive. We both learned how negative interactive patterns, if left to "ferment", could cause ongoing power struggles. When egos get in the way and understandings aren't reached over time, couples tend to sway back and forth between getting angry and withdrawing, distancing and pursuing.
If both parties can learn, however, how to build solutions collaboratively to strengthen their connection, they will experience more intimacy and understanding. Once my wife and I learned this, we were finally able to put "problem talk" aside and work on creating good times. If you live in or around Raleigh, NC, marriage counseling is available from a number of qualified professionals convenient to the area.
Written by Kacy Suther.
Raleigh NC marriage counseling is provided by
marriage counselors in Raleigh NC at Jeff Levy’s office for
relationship counseling. Raleigh NC, Apex, Cary North Carolina served. More info at http://www.couplescounseling.com .
