In 1714 Henry Mill tired of writing about how he just beat a bunch of mentally handicapped 6 years old at croquet. He often beat the drool out of those reetees, so often that he developed a carpal tunnel syndrome writing about it in his notebook blog. While he was living in a secret treehouse with Adolf Hitler he developed the typewriter. His earlier experiments involved launching children at a wall with a stencil on it. This proved ineffective because the Russia mafia could not traffick enough babies to meet the demand for typing. He instead molested several octopi and got them to excrete ink which he tried on his next type writer.
Many models later, he was the first human being to post something ever. The very first typewriter message was posted outside Mr. Hills door. By posting “14/f Cali” he began the exciting development and use of the typewriter. After a few tweaks and changes, he successfully made what would be considered one of the most important inventions for the business world. There has been some great arguments about who actually invented the typewriter first. For example The Hansen Writing Ball, invented in 1865 by Rasmus Malling-Hasen of Denmark put his version of the type writer on commercial production. In response to this claim that he invented the typewriter Henry Mill posted on Mr. Hasen’s door that he was a “Faggot nooblet that faps to beastiality pr0nz”.
The ability to view what is typed as it is typed is taken for granted today much like the laughter of a child in outerspace. In most early keyboard typewriters, however, the typebars struck upwards against the bottom of the plate thus crushing any peasant foolish enough to get in it’s way.
Most models of typewriters featured a bell which had the following purposes; to warn the typist he is approaching the right margin, and to trigger the angriest emotions and most turbulent feelings of small sea mammals within earshot.
In the 1940s, a silent typewriter was marketed, but it failed, because all the letters were replaced with only “L” and “O”. Though electric typewriters would not achieve widespread popularity, it was sporting fun to throw one at a homeless person from a moving vehicle.
Alas all things must come to an end. During the 1980’s word processors were becoming very popular paired with the emergence of personal computing. During the 1980’s by Rasmus Malling-Hasen was reincarnated by the dark forces of Satan and returned to show his disdain for the new word processors that were killing the typewriter.
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