My mother always used to say that friends coming to stay can be compared to having fish in the house….on the first day it’s great, fresh, tasty and exciting. The second day, no problems yet, still quite acceptable. On the third day the fish starts to stiffen a little and should be cooked….by day four it’s a little off-colour and should be thrown away….the fifth day!

Our Uncle; Aunt and cousins used to visit us in Port Elizabeth, from Durban quite regularly when we were children, a family of five visiting in our quite smallish home. As children we would love them to visit, life was very exciting and between the two sets of parents we would be taken to the beach, spoilt with Sugarbush ice-cream and visit all kinds of interesting places. I do recall my father becoming a little grumpy after a while as his brother, our Uncle, was a little tight fisted when it came to opening his wallet.

I have a friend like that, he recently visited for a weekend, enjoyed our hospitality, my wife even washed a shirt for him after a small food spillage. Now when I say enjoyed, I mean it. We cooked and catered, good wine and we all had a great time. The Sunday morning on the way to the airport we stopped at a Wimpy, the waiter inadvertently placed the small account in front of him, he glanced at it and then promptly passed it on to me. This wasn’t the first such weekend, merely one of many and the so-called straw that broke the camels back.

We have been close friends for some twenty years and in all this time, whenever we have visited at his home, we have always either taken the family out for a dinner or at the very worst, brought gifts for the children and parents alike. Not necessarily as full compensation, merely as a polite gesture of appreciation for their kind and generous hospitality, now this is what I had been taught, brought up to believe was correct and polite behaviour.

You might say that, being close friends, I should be able to bring the subject up…..would the mutual embarrassment have any purpose, this is unlikely. There’s an old saying about South African’s….we vote with our feet……

Just a few suggestions to ensure you are a great guest, that your friends and family like having you around and would welcome you back:

• Clean your own mess, domestic workers aside, when visiting in a friends’ home you certainly cannot expect the hosts to clean up after you or your children. On top of this, if a domestic worker has had to work harder as a result of your stay, pay her. She/he deserves it and has a right to expect it.
• In general, contribute something, financial circumstances should also be considered but at the very least, donate in value or kind all your refreshments and a token toward the value of accommodation, either as food; a gift or a token such as taking the host family to a dinner or restaurant.
• Put in some effort, offer to cook a meal; make a fire…don’t simply sit back and expect to be waited upon hand and foot, it takes a lot of work to host guests and it’s only fair that everyone chips in.
• Respect the host families needs and property. Don’t let your children put their feet on the couch even if this is accepted in your home. Basic good manners; polite greeting to staff and family at all times.
• Last but not least, a gift to the hostess. From a small, chocolate, a note of thanks. A flower….it need not be of great value but a gesture of appreciation is what is needed. If however you friends are a little strapped for spare cash and you see they might need something quite badly…this could be extended to perhaps a set of glasses, some form of kitchen equipment.

Ensure you are great guests, ensure your hosts would welcome the call next time you come calling.

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