Getting to the root cause of problems in a marriage can be challenging. One way of doing this is to dig into the past of each person involved, either with the help of a therapist or by yourself; to discover how past experiences helped to shape your lives today.
While all this may be good information, giving insight on why you feel the way you do; it does not necessarily bring about change.
You may tell your spouse that the issues you are experiencing are due to how you were raised, or some other situation in your past. This can lead to one of three different outcomes.
a) Your partner may or may not agree with your diagnosis
b) The blame game becomes an issue. Either you blame your
partner for not being understanding, or your partner blames
you for not trying to overcome it.
c) You sit and wait for your spouse to change
So what can you do about this? Instead of putting emphasis on how the problem came about, focus on creating a solution; like Susan and Jim did.
Susan and Jim argued about finances for years. She felt as if he spent money too freely, with out giving thought of tomorrow or planning for their retirement; like his father did. Jim felt like Susan was acting like a mother telling him what to do.
One month, with a little coaching, Jim decided to pay the household bills. When he realized how much money was being spent, he was shocked. They talked about the balance of the funds that was left over after bills were paid, and decided to put it in separate accounts, setting aside some money for retirement and some for having fun. They were both pleased with the outcome.
Instead of focusing on the root of the problem of Jim being a loose spender, which he got from his dad, and Susan being motherly, they came to a solution which satisfied both parties.
There are 5 Stages of Marriage. There are also 7 Myths about Marriage. Find out what they are by logging on to the website listed below and typing your first name and e-mail address in the sign up box to your top right, then click ‘Yes, sign me up.’
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