"Gimme" Proof Your Kids: How To Keep Your Child's Materialism
In Check
Copyright 2005 Dr. Charles Sophy
Keep 'Em Off My Couch
http://drsophy.com
It's the first day of the summer holiday. Five year-old
Stephanie is shopping with you at Wal-Mart and picks out
three stuffed animals that she saw in the movie Madagascar.
"Oh Mom please! I want to bring Alex and Gloria and Melman
to Kinder Gym with me!" she says and stomps off in disgust
when you tell her she has to choose only one.
Your eight-year old, Alex, comes home from Summer Day Camp.
"I need an iPod!" he declares, "Thomas has one and it's
sweet!" Your first thought is, "What's an iPod?" Once Alex
fills you in on the latest must-have gadget, you're floored
by the ticket price and wonder why he needs one when he
already has a walkman.
To top it off, your ten-year old, Tabitha, woke up this
morning with a singular mission; to have pierced ears with
diamond studs like her new best-friend Sarah by the end of
the day, when last week she thought body piercings of any
kind were gross. She has spent the entire day begging you
to bring her to the Salon to get them pierced, ate her
dinner in silence and retreated to her room to call Sarah
and complain about how unfair her parents are.
You finish the day exhausted by the challenges of managing
"gimme" requests from your children. Sitting down with your
partner after the kids have been put to bed, you share your
concerns about the day's events. You're both left wondering
how your children became so materialistic, and worried that
they are becoming followers rather than children who are
secure in themselves and their values. A change is needed!
But where to begin?
During the grade-school years, children grow more interested
in the material world than they were back in kindergarten.
Motivated by a combination of an increasing awareness of
what other kids have and the desire to fit in by having the
same things themselves, their acquisitiveness begins to
become more apparent.
A child's age-appropriate progression from self-awareness to
awareness of others is compounded by the society in which we
live. We live in an age of affluence, at times one obsessed
with status and possession. Evidenced by TV and other forms
of media. One message is coming through loud and clear: You
are what you buy and what you own. There's no doubt that it
has become increasingly difficult to raise children in this
world of materialism, distraction and temptation.
You can help keep your child's materialism in check by
following these simple steps:
1) Back to Basics: Try to bring your parenting back to a
basic level. No need to respond to the distractions that at
times seem out of range on many levels and maybe out of your
comfort zone.
2) Self-Awareness: Working along with your parenting
partner, ensure agreed-upon family values, as well as the
structures that support your beliefs.
3) Explore: Remember that the need your child may have for
all these newest gadgets possibly camouflages a deeper
problem.
4) Communicate: Discuss with your child the concept of
earning, as well as alternative to their request. A less
costly option may meet the need.
5) Don't fulfill every request: Children who get everything
they ask for don't learn to handle disappointment, and they
don't learn to work for the things they desire, or delay the
need for gratification.
6) Spend time rather than money on your kids: It's not easy
in our hectic lives to give children the time and attention
they crave, but that's the best way to ward off the
"gimmes."
Remember: No matter what your child says, he/she wants — and
needs — a secure sense of family more than a roomful of
possessions. There may be times when it's appropriate to
fulfill a request and times when it's best to say no. You
know your child best: listen, learn, teach and communicate
in a respectful manner and do your best to focus your
children on the lessons of giving as well as receiving.
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) 2005 Dr. Charles Sophy
Dr. Charles Sophy currently serves as Medical Director for
the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family
Services (DCFS), which is responsible for the health, safety
and welfare of nearly 40,000 foster children. He also has a
private psychiatry practice in Beverly Hills, California.
Dr. Sophy has lectured extensively and is an Associate
Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the University of
California Los Angeles Neuro-Psychiatric Institute. His
lectures and teachings are consistently ranked as among the
best by those in attendance.
Dr. Charles Sophy, author of the "Keep `Em Off My Couch"
blog, provides real simple answers for solving life's
biggest problems. He specializes in improving the mental
health of children. To contact Dr. Sophy, visit his blog at
http://drsophy.com.
