What is it about Grief & Loss that upsets us so much? Is it the heavy
duty emoting that we have to do to get through our suffering? Is it
the fear we have about opening ourselves to all this pain? Because,
let's face it, it's hard down there, in the land of grieving where all
those emotions toss us around like a cork on a stormy sea.
We understand that this is necessary, at a surface level, but how we
are feeling is what really counts. In that place we call Grief &
Loss, is where pain dominates our life and where suffering is the
paramount teacher. This is really difficult, and we know it only too
well at times like these. We go there because we have to, but we try
hard to escape, as soon as possible.
What is necessary now to get through to the end of this process? Is
it simply a matter of toughing it out, or, do we have to dredge and
dig and pummel ourselves along the way? It's hard to be sure what we
must do at such times.
All those Gurus that say "do it this way or that way," are they
capable of handling it themselves? As a survivor, going through
grief, I would want to know that, wouldn't you? The essence of false
advertising is "never having been there yourself," is it not?
Absolutely, this we all know without a doubt.
So what do we require then to move through this landscape called Grief
& Loss? We seem to know this at some level, don't we? We seem to
know that deep down where our sorrows dwell, there is an inescapable
reality. We have to feel this. Oh yes, it's an ugly fact, but true
nevertheless. We have to feel this pain in order to exorcise it from
our bodies. Yes, we have to feel it, so we can learn that this too is
survivable. Isn't that the most important thing in all such
activities û to know where you are at in your own heart when you
finally get to the truth?
This truth I talk about is your truth, that feeling in your gut when
you know you are right. Since this is your truth, then only You can
determine its validity for yourself. No guru can ever take you there.
Because deep down, this is your "house," your well-spring of creative
experience. What happens here defines your life, tells you who you
are and, right now, what you have to suffer at times of grief and loss.
To some that may seem sad though, to arrive in this "feeling" place
where grief has brought you. But is it really? Perhaps it's a better
thing than you imagined, this place where truth resides within.
Perhaps it's more than you ever bargained for. Sure, grief brought
you here, but what else goes on in this place of tender emotion? How
about looking around, since you're already here?
These are your life lessons after all, to have and to hold, until your
truths can be borne. How could you ever have a guru do that for you?
No such luck! You have to do it yourself. But what a fantastic
opportunity to get to know yourself better, to live deep inside your
own heart and soul while this grieving process goes on around you.
Let me assure you that you will survive. You will overcome these
tragic effects. Because there is truth in there where you live. And
that truth will take you somewhere important - for you! This is Your
Truth, remember, and only you can assess, experience and benefit from
the effects it will have upon you.
So do it! Allow yourself to descend to where it hurts and find out
for yourself what this experience of grief and loss is, and what it
can teach you that might correct your misperceptions about Life, Love
& Purpose. Yes, you have access to the truth, just as I do, just as
we all do. As these lessons arrive, they are yours for the taking.
We all get them. Grief and Loss are but one more avenue to help us
get to our very own Truth. Yes, the suffering will eventually pass,
but the Truth û well, that's forever!
Maurice Turmel PhD is the author of "Parables on Grief & Loss" and
"Parables for a Modern Age." He was a practicing therapist for nearly
25 years, and is now an Author, Speaker and Performing Songwriter, all
on the subject of Personal Growth, Creative Self-Expression and
dealing with Grief & Loss. He can be reached at
drmoe@...or, through his Website at: www.self-helpnow.com.
