When two people are together, who’s to know if it will work out or not? If you’ve just broken up with your partner and are now relegated to being an ‘ex’, don’t take it too personally. It does not mean you are a failure or that you can’t have a successful relationship in the future. All it means is that you and Mr. X were just not meant to be. Here are a few ways to get over your break up and get back on your feet:

1) Deal with what went wrong - We all need closure when life doesn’t turn out the way we planned. If your boss fires you, you’d want to know what led to it. In the same way, when a relationship ends without you knowing that it was headed for the rocks, you’d be left wondering. Maybe you didn’t see it coming, maybe you missed the signs. Accept that you may be at fault too and that the problem was not one-sided. If it was you who ended the relationship, you still may not know exactly why you wanted to stop. The first step in getting over a break up is to understand what went wrong. It will make you better prepared for another relationship.

2) Let it go - In your efforts to figure out why you two grew apart, don’t try to put things right. That’s one big mistake some women make. We don’t like the idea of not succeeding, so we want to try again. It might work for a job application but it doesn’t always work for a relationship. It’ll just make you hope for something which might not be there and make you more miserable in the end. Letting go is hard but believe me, that’s the best relationship advice we can give to you right now.

3) Focus on other aspects of your life - The end of a relationship doesn’t mean your world fell apart, although it may seem that way at first. Life still goes on, your friends and family still cares about you and (if you are working) your job demands performance. By turning your attention and your energy to other things, even if you have to force it, you are rebuilding your self esteem. That itself will help you get over the breakup.

4) Have a good cry - In the first few days after a breakup some women become numb and go through life in a daze. There will be that denial phase where you tell yourself all is fine with the world, that you don’t miss your ex and that you are glad to move on. Mark my words, the tears will flow at some stage, so don’t hold it in. Accept your pain. A good cry never hurt anyone. Just make sure you do it privately so that you don’t attract unwanted attention.

5) Don’t force friendship - Research shows that men take breakups harder than women. If your ex wants to stay friends, you have to ask yourself whether it’s practical. Keeping in touch will not help either of you to heal or to move on. Sure, there are couples who break up and stay good pals, but it’s rare. Either party can feel betrayed or bitter. The best option would be to break contacts completely (no calls and no text messages please!) and later, if you both are ok with being friends, you can go from there. The more physical the relationship, the harder it is to be ‘just friends’ after breaking up.

6) Alone or with company? - It’s your choice. Some women want space when they are emerging from a break up. Others reach out to their friends and family as fast as they can. If you are an introvert, you’ll prefer the former. You’ll want some time alone to figure things out and to get your feelings together. If you are an extrovert, you’d want to talk, talk and talk and get your hurt out that way.

7) Write in a journal - Never underestimate the soothing power of writing. We are more honest when we write. We can express feelings we’d never dare to speak out loud. Even if you’re not the writer type, you’ll find that penning a few words each day will unleash a sea of emotions (and words!).

8) Watch your health! - If you become a couch potato after saying goodbye to you partner, it’s not going to help the situation. Disappointment can lead to bad eating habits so stay off junk food and don’t overeat. Tell yourself sternly that you want to ‘start a new life’ and control that urge to gobble down a tub of ice cream. Stay active. Put on some snappy music and jump up and down. The endorphins released by such physical activity will reduce your pain.

9) Pamper yourself - Ah, the feel of luxury! There is nothing like a long holiday to make you feel revitalized. Go to a Spa and put your name down for daily massages. Linger in the pool and let your body and mind feel lighter. Treat yourself in ways you’ve never had time for earlier and remind yourself that life is good!


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