Transitions: Finding Comfort In The Middle
By Julie Fuimano, Personal & Career Coach
Change occurs constantly. Things move so fast today, people cannot keep
up. With every change, there is a process that occurs. The process is
called transition and there are three stages: an ending, middle and a
new beginning. These stages can happen separately or simultaneously.
Depending upon the nature of the change, the stages can take minutes or
years to get through. And when multiple changes occur concurrently, you
can be in different stages associated with different changes.
Learn to understand these stages, acknowledge your feelings in each
stage and fully experience the process for each transition you
experience and you will take on no emotional baggage and leave no
unfinished business to be dealt with later. By acknowledging and
processing each transition, you create space to handle new changes.
YouÆll also struggle less as you move through the transition because
youÆll have the tools to deal with transitions effectively.
Understanding Transitions
Some transitions are big like changing jobs, moving, starting/losing a
business or an employee, getting married or divorced, having a child,
the death of a loved one or a major change in health. During large
transitions itÆs helpful to obtain support from a coach to assist with
clarity, focus, vision and forward movement. But many of the transitions
you experience will be small and youÆll float through them quickly and
unknowingly, like returning to work after vacation or even after lunch.
Big or small, transitions can hold valuable lessons for you and if not
addressed may come up again in another way until you learn the lesson
that was meant for you.
After separating from her husband, one of my clients discussed feelings
of being all over the place, feeling new things and having emotions
arise that didnÆt make sense. She felt sort of scattered and was not
clear about who she was now that she had all of this newfound freedom.
My client was in the middle.
The middle is the uncomfortable place where you are finished with whatÆs
come before but havenÆt quite started the new. ItÆs uncomfortable
because itÆs unclear and foggy. You may not have a good grasp of what
opportunities are coming next but the door is closed (or closing) behind
you. And this uncertainty is uncomfortable.
The middle is just the middle. ItÆs a place where you can easily find
yourself frustrated, wishing something would happen. You want things to
move faster or to materialize and the unknowing and your impatience
causes you stress.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
Putting language around this stage was comforting for my client. Her
feelings were validated and part of the natural process of making this
type of life altering change. Understanding that, she could shift her
attention to creating the life she wants for herself while acknowledging
that right now and for years to come - however long it takes, sheÆs in
this neutral place where things may not quite make sense.
Acknowledging and talking about your feelings is the way to healing. And
itÆs the way to getting through the middle with less effort and
struggle. Moving through transition requires processing and healing. It
may require grief over the loss or end of what has come before and it
requires a new vision for the future (a new beginning).
Stay In The Now
Pushing doesnÆt make this stage go any faster. Learning to let go and
just be in the process, experiencing your feelings completely and
trusting that the answers will come is the path to getting through the
middle. This is often not an easy process because it requires letting go
of control.
During the middle stage, resist the feeling that you have to do
something to keep busy and muster up your patience. Relax and remain
open to receive whatever is next for you. When the time is right, you
will know exactly how to proceed. You need to trust in you. And if you
look back at all of your successes, you will see how you have come
through in the past.
What you can focus on during this middle stage is envisioning the
results you want for the future. By focusing your energies on visioning
what you want, you create an image that will pull you towards success.
There is much less effort when you are being pulled than when you are
pushing.
Coaching Challenge
Consider your life and business or career right now. Where are you
struggling? Are there any transitions or changes youÆd like to make or
are making? What stage(s) are you in? Give yourself permission to
experience your feelings and share them with someone. Trust that the
answers will be revealed in good time if you are open to receive them.
Julie Fuimano, MBA, BSN, RN is a Personal & Career Coach and Author. She
partners with people going through transitions so they can move from
stress to fulfillment. For your free 20-minute consultation, visit Julie
at www.nurturingyoursuccess.com, write to her at
Julie@... or call her directly at (484) 530-5024.
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