1: LEARN THE MOST IMPORTANT WORD IN THE WORLD: NO.
I know it's difficult for a sensitive, highly intelligent person like you to feel that you're letting the team down, or your family/friends down, if you say
"No. Sorry, but I can't do that."
It's almost a second cousin twice removed by marriage from my tip that you have to ask for help. That was in my article about the
first three ways to counter stress. The more you realise that people only help when they can, the more relaxed you'll be about asking for help.
Time and again I find that people who are overwhelmed by all the work they have to do will add still more responsibilities to their day by actually volunteering to do more. Many people who come to my Stress Management seminars are at a point of collapse – mainly due to their voluntary work.
Quick tip for saying NO. Next time you're asked to do something and you know that you really can't and shouldn't take on even the most worthy cause, here's what you do:
When you want to say NO, ask for time to consider.
All you have to say is this:
"May I get back to you on that? I'll have to check with John, Jill whoever, that it's fine."
That way, part of the stress is gone because you feel like you've made a decision in your own time. Also, you've indirectly won an excuse when and if you do decide to say NO. You have to say no because you've checked with your wife, and it's impossible.
2: LIVE LIFE WITH DEATH AT YOUR LEFT SHOULDER
I don't mean that in any morbid or negative way. So many people walk like robots through their life. They rarely take time to contemplate that life itself is a great and wondrous gift. It is a gift of time.
Regardless of how long you live,
you will die.
As the Irish say ,
"birth is the start of the swan song". That sort of insight is not exclusive to the Irish, but it is something we forget. How often have you thought:
"I'll write that poem tomorrow; I'll read that article at the weekend?"
Think about the simple but sobering thought that each day is a withdrawal of 86,400 seconds or 1,400 minutes of the finite allocation of time in your Life Account.
Your Life Account is NOT filled with an infinite amount of time.
Facing the simple truth that your death is built in to your life means that you'll be less inclined to fritter away too much of your non-renewable time on things that add stress to the living of your life.
3: SPEND SOME TIME ALONE EVERY SINGLE DAY,
As a parent working full-time, I do appreciate that that's difficult. Once the children are in bed, you want to spend time with your partner or friends. Even if you're not a parent, it's hard to make a time in each and every day when you're just with yourself.
I've read somewhere that Mahatma Ghandi used to spend one day each week in total silence. He maintained that he needed that time to replenish his spirit and to regain his focus from the chattering in which he was involved on the other six days.
We can't all achieve as much in our lives as he did, and nor can we follow his example of one day of silence each week. We can downscale that to at least thirty minutes each day just being in the moment. Not thirty minutes planning what we'll do tomorrow. Not thirty minutes planning our next business deal, or how we'll deal with our adolescent son's new set of rebellious behaviours. That would take more than thirty minutes anyway!!
No. Just thirty minutes of be-ing. Sitting quietly and effortlessly, letting time pass. That might sound like a contradiction of saying how precious our time is. But using your time in this way will be one of the most important counter-stress habits you can acquire.
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