1. ASSESS THE DAMAGE
We make a disaster and a catastrophe of things sometimes, even before they happen. If you're interested in damage-control, or stress control, first take a realistic look at what is happening in your life. Ask yourself one simple question: "how serious is this?"
Some things are catastrophic and if you don't rush to put out the fire, get the snake anti-venom, the disaster will be worse.
Most of the time that's not the case. Thinking the worst is known also as predictive catastrophising. I discuss that in
Anxiety and Panic Attacks - the Ultimate Solution (http://www.calmingwords.com )- it's a key to managing stress. It means that whenever you make a prediction about what's going to happen you predict the very worst. You
over-estimate how badly some event will go. Then you
under-estimate your capacity to cope with whatever does happen.
Fairly lethal combination, and guaranteed to add to your stress, fear and anxiety.
Do this simple exercise. Write down the numbers 1 to 10 on a sheet of paper. Using a scale of one to ten, with ten being the worst thing you can imagine ever happening to you, put an event that you think corresponds to that intensity of catastrophe against each number.
I'm not particularly psychic but I predict that you've probably written against the number 10 something like
"Death of a loved one".
Go down your list and at four or five you might put
"breaking your arm". Unless you're a musician or a champion swimmer, in which case it could be a 9, or even 9.5. Your list will reflect your priorities.
The reason I suggest you make the list is that it's something you can refer to it from time to time. Try to develop a sense of proportion about events and situations. Are they life-threatening, life-altering? You've heard the term
"drama queen". Well, let's face it. If everything in your life is one long disastrous drama, what are you going to be like, how are you going to cope, when a real drama takes place?
2: IF YOU'RE RUNNING LATE: DON'T LOOK AT THE TIME
That's advice I find hard to follow! Think about the last time you were running late. You kept looking at the clock in your car, or at your watch. How did that help? It didn't. It made you feel worse.
What
should you do? Telephone to explain that you've been delayed.
Telling people you're going to be late immediately takes some of the pressure off.
Go back to the 'assess the damage' exercise. Being late for a dinner date, or a meeting even a meeting where you're the chair- if 10 is the worst catastrophe, I still hope you rate being late at the 1 to 3 level. If you're picking up your child it might be a 7. In that case, you'll have made alternative arrangements. You'lll have said:
"if ever I'm late, my child can go home with
." Also, you'd have called ahead.
From that exercise you've gleaned the two de-stress tactics related to time and its relentless passage. One is to call and to tell people when you're running late. If you think there's a remote chance of being late, call ahead. The other is to have a contingency plan particularly if you pick up children or you're caring for elderly people.
3: ASK FOR HELP.
It's amazing how many people who suffer from stress-related illnesses find it hard to ask for help.
They don't like to admit that they can't cope. Either at that particular time, or more generally.
The other amazing twin to that phenomenon is how thrilled so many people are to be asked to help you. Truly. If you're a first-time parent and you ask your neighbour to look after your new baby for an hour, what will happen? Either she'll be available to help and more than delighted to do so. Or, if she's not be available on that particular afternoon, but she'll take that opportunity to make another time.
If you're an executive with a tight deadline, you'll have to either call in favours. Or, you might have to hire an extra person or three to help you meet the deadline. Far better to accept that you can't do it all yourself this time around.
