Do you desire love and marriage? How should you prepare
yourself?
By: Tony L Tate
The rate of new love and marriages is rising as fast as the
divorce rate. That forces the question – are people really
falling in love? If they are then why is the divorce rate so
high? Isn't love enough? Where is the commitment? Love and
marriage are still important to people. So what is the deal?
Why is the divorce rate still climbing?
Love and marriage happens everyday but that's not true for
every one. Perhaps most people don't really give themselves
a chance to fall in love for the right reasons. One reason
for this is that people don't really get to know each other
before having sex, making a commitment and getting married,
all in that wrong order. When a couple begins dating both
people are usually on there best behavior. In other words
they have put up a front or façade. This can continue for a
while. People don't really get to see the actual character
of a person sometimes until after about a year or so. This
is because during the dating phase you wont get into
situations together that will test what you are made of.
How long before love and marriage should you date? How do
you know if you should make a commitment?
After about a year when the newness of the relationship is
wearing off couples begin to face more of life's situations
together. They begin to see how one another react under
stress and handle situations outside the dating scene
bubble. This is time you should decide if love and marriage
and a commitment is what you want with this person. This is
the time you will find out what the other person is made of
in tough situations.
Sex
If you have been able to abstain from sex in the
relationship you are better prepared to make clear good
decisions. Sex will cause you to overlook or ignore things
that may be important to you. Sex itself in not enough of a
reason to get married. Sex certainly can't hold it all
together for you.
Love and marriage is one of the most important commitments
you will ever make. Abstinence is not a popular dating tip
for men and women these days, but it is a good dating tip.
>From your first date until your last date, if you don't
marry, should be conducted with respect to each other. If
he/she is not willing to abstain with you he/she is probably
not the one you are looking for. If it turns out that you
are not compatible with the person you are seeing you should
leave the goods undamaged (emotional goods). That means you
should be able to get to know one another without making the
sexual connection so that if you get to the point where you
decide to end the relationship the emotional pain is
minimized. Sometimes couples end up getting married simply
because they have been having sex.
The plus side to arriving at love and marriage through
getting to know one another, and abstaining from sex is that
you will have been able to make sound decisions about your
relationship without the influence of sex. You will know
what it is you love about your mate and why you want to
marry them. None of your feelings of love will be rooted in
sex.
Love
Sex is a truly unstable foundation for a relationship
because it is not designed to be so. In love you have
patience, kindness, the absence of jealousy, pride and
boastfulness. In love there no rudeness. Love does not
demand it's own way. Love is not easily irritated and
doesn't keep a record of wrongs done against it. Love is
never glad about injustice and always rejoices when truth
wins. Love never gives up. This is the kind of strength you
want as the foundation of a relationship. If you have these
things in place then after marriage sex will function as the
tool of intimacy it was meant to be.
Sex outside marriage
If however you find yourself engaging in sex before you see
the function of true love, and, before marriage you will
have tainted any chance of ever knowing for sure if you are
getting married for the right reasons. You can' t be sure if
your new mate will be faithful to you.
Sex is a powerful connection meant for marriage. Outside of
marriage it has the power to destroy relationships instead
of enhancing them. How many marriages have ended because of
infidelity? Sex can be addictive. How many people do you
know who have developed such a taste for sex before marriage
that they can't be faithful to the person they are married
to? Remaining abstinent will help you determine if you are
with a person who is in control of him/herself.
Love and marriage is not for the faint hearted. It is hard
enough to build a relationship and keep your commitment. So,
why don't you begin your time together the right way? Give
your relationship time. Abstain from sex outside of marriage
in order to keep your ability to make clear and right
decisions about the relationship. In doing so you will
ensure that you are getting married for the right reason -
the stable foundation of love and not the unstable
foundation of sex.
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Tony Tate is the author On line dating - a web site offering tips and advice on relationships and on line dating. For more
information: http://www.1-on-line-dating.com
