Are you a debtabetic?
Addicted to those shopping spikes? Ah, the instant hit to the shopping bloodstream. Ooh, the horrid feeling of the shopping dip that follows.
The debt doctor's diagnosis: you're heading towards a shopping coma.
Check out our debtabetes risk test:
Q.1 What's your spending/borrowing style.
A I don't earn enough to fund my lifestyle so I borrow it instead
B I used to have a good income but lately my outgoings have got out of hand
C I don't spend on myself, but I splash out on my family often on credit
D I'm not really a spender or a borrower, but I can see the appeal
Q.2 How does your spending differ from two years ago
A No real change. I've never earned much and I've always been a spender
B My debts seem to be rising as my available income goes down
C Its much worse since I became a parent
D I'm earning more so credit seems alluring
Q.3 How did your parents deal with money
A They were usually in debt
B They only borrowed what they could afford
C They were savers, not spenders
D They didn't believe in credit my generation is different
Q.4 You've had a massive spending binge on credit. How do you feel?
A Great. I'll pay it back eventually but right now I'm having fun.
B Distinctly queasy. I know I've got to pay it back some how. But how?
C Guilty. But the kids needed new trainers and the hall carpet needed replacing.
D A bit concerned. I usually pay off the whole amount but I can't this month.
Q. 5 have you ever suffered any of the following symptoms:
Fainting (on opening a credit card statement)
Swollen ankles (after a mammoth shopping session)
Numbness in the hands and fingers (after too much online spending)
Excessive thirst (for designer goods)
Frequent need to go to the toilet (your scary finances weaken your bladder)
Dark circles around the eyes (insomnia from money worries)
Sweating palms (when visiting your bank)
Dizziness (when contemplating your vast debts)
If you ticked 6-8 symptoms, take an A. If you ticked 3-5 symptoms, take a B. For 0-2 symptoms, take a D.
Mostly As
Type 1 Debtabetes
You have never produced enough wealth to satisfy your greed but you still spend like a footballer's wife. You need regular injections of cash to break down your debts but you aint getting them. Left uncontrolled, this disease is terminal: you could have your assets amputated and die young in a paupers grave. What seems so glamorous now that flashy car, those designer threads won't look so good with broken knee caps. You are swimming with loan sharks and they bite. It is vital that you visit the financial equivalent of an A&E doctor before you go into a spending coma!
Mostly Bs
Type 2 Debtabetes
Once upon a time you were producing enough money to cover your outgoings but those monthly demands have crept up over the years. It started so innocently with a nice car, progressed onto a nice house and soon went down hill in a flurry of maintenance and improvements. Now your disposable income is less than you got from your old school news round. You started out well, but were predisposed to a debtabetic existence. Your disease can still be controlled by a careful diet of sensible spending and plenty of exercise on your self-control. See a financial doctor before your entire income is hospitalised.
Mostly Cs
Gestational Debtabetes
A condition that arises during pregnancy whereby new parents go crazy buying for baby without taking into account the likely reduction in their future finances. With any luck it will be over in 18 years
unless your child goes to university, so try not to raise any geniuses. Not only do children eat up money like ravening locusts in a field of grain, they frequently lower your income maternity leave, part-time earnings, days taken off unpaid to nurse them through chicken pox, etc. Careful management is required for these needy little parasites before they destroy you, their host! Set up saving plans now for your offspring to cushion yourself for future blows. Take advantage of their innocence whilst you can to dress them in charity offcasts.
Mostly Ds
Pre-debtabetes
A condition leading up to the full-blown disease. Full Debtabetes can be avoided by taking good care of your finances and not indulging in mass blow outs. If you are already experiencing any of the Debtabetes symptoms above then take care now to avert disaster later. Remember, Debtabetes is a killer!
Amber Dextrose
Financial Guru
www.1stopfinanceshop.com
Amber Dextrose is a finance guru at
www.1stopfinanceshop.co.ukand is kind to old ladies and kittens
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