The other morning my husband was helping me put the kids in the car when a woman jogged by our house. Being a nice, neighborly person I said, "Good Morning!" in a cheery voice to which the woman scarfed back, "Looks like someone needs to mow their lawn" as she looked at our yard in disgust and sprinted away.
When what she said finally registered, I was overwhelmed with a desire to chase the woman down the block -- partly to explain why we hadn't mowed the lawn (we just moved in two weeks ago for heaven's sake!), and of course to reprimand her for being such a neighborhood snob.
I hate to admit it, but that woman's snippy remark really got my day off to a crummy start. As I drove the kids to school I began to reflect on how eight quick words from a complete stranger could rattle me so much. After the initial anger, I felt hurt, embarrassed and then finally irritated. I mean, who did she think she was?
You see, as working mothers it can feel as if your life is constantly being examined and scrutinized. People are constantly telling you what you should be doing or how to do it better. The competitive nature of motherhood (heck, life!) forces you to constantly be on the go, go, GO! In your pursuit of "perfection" you end up working yourself to exhaustion instead. And that results in you being LESS productive than ever. So when someone jogs by your house to remind you that you haven't had time to hire a gardener, it launches you into a spiral of negative thinking, and living.
Unfortunately, the unsolicited comments of loved ones and total strangers may never end, but there is a better way for you to manage what these comments do to your inner psyche. It's called "The Work."
Quoting from www.thework.com -
The Work "is a deeply transformative process of inquiry that is helping people around the world approach their problems from a perspective of clarity and inner peace."
The process, developed by Byron Katie in her book
Loving What Is, starts with thoughts that are negatively affecting you. In my situation above, a thought I had was, "I never have time to get the important things done, and this is just one more example of it!"
The power of The Work is the following inquiry:
1. Is it true?
2. Can I absolutely know that it's true?
3. How do I react when I believe that thought?
4. Who would I be without the thought?
Now turn it around (or rewrite the statement in a completely different way). For example, my turnaround may be, "I do get important things done; I'm raising kids, not grass."
When you first do
The Work, it's a good idea to actually write out your thoughts and then write out the inquiries. After some practice, you'll be able to create turnarounds without pen and paper. I used
The Work on the brief commute I have between home and the kids' school and the negative thinking was out of my mind (and my spirit!) in no time.
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"By Michele Dortch of The Integrated Mother, a nationwide coaching and training company providing work/life solutions for working mothers, and their employers. Visit www.integratedmother.com to sign up for a FREE Work/Life Makeover Kit."
