What I'm about to say may surprise some of
you. And I'm sure it will absolutely astonish the
traditional news media. But I'm starting to think
I have a real shot at being nominated to the
Supreme Court. Apparently, I'm well thought of
in extremely high places.
A while back, in fact, I received a message
on my voice mail informing me that I had just
been nominated to serve on the Republican
Presidential Committee. Would I please call their
toll free number immediately? When I called and
asked who had nominated me, the woman who took
the call told me that the nomination had come
from the Republican Congressional Committee. And
I didn't realize those people even knew that I
was alive.
"So who on the committee nominated me?" I
wondered.
The woman wasn't sure. She did know that the
committee thought it would be invaluable if a key
national business leader like myself would lend
his name and agree to serve.
"You know I never thought of myself as a key
national business leader," I said.
"Well, that's the way we think of you here."
WOW.
She explained that there would be no time
commitment, so exactly what my service might
entail was a little vague. But there would be a
press release, announcing my appointment to my
local paper. And agreeing to serve would give me
a chance to meet top Republicans like the Speaker
of the House, "perhaps even President Bush," and
give them my thoughts. So I'd have access to them
on the issues that concerned my business.
They'd also appreciate it if I could
contribute from $300 to $500.
"But if I can't come up with a contribution
just now," I said, "I can still lend my name to
the cause and be on the committee and meet
President Bush, right?"
"No." No amplification, just a flat no.
"So my name won't help you without the
money?"
"We need your name AND the money."
"But without the money you won't use my
name."
"Are you a Democrat?" she asked
suspiciously.
"Would the Republican Congressional
Committee nominate a Democrat to serve on the
Republican Presidential Committee?"
That's when she hung up. I'm not sure how
that might affect my status on the committee. I
expect I'll hear from President Bush himself in
the next couple of days. We key national business
leaders shouldn't be wasting our time dealing
with subordinates anyway.
Now in fairness, I'm not sure the
Democrats' fundraising strategies would be any
better (if they had anything to sell). And I
should mention that the Republicans have
apparently now scrapped these Republican
Presidential Committee phone calls. Nowadays,
according to ABC News, they're calling "key
business leaders" and telling them that they have
been nominated for something called "the National
Leadership Award." It's every bit as good a deal
as the Presidential Committee, just $300 to $500.
And you may already be a winner.
