1) KNOW WHAT YOU WANT

If you only have a vague idea of what you want, how is your partner going to know? People often expect other people just to automatically know what it is you want as if it is common knowledge. However people would be surprised to know just how different we are all. We often just think that we want is what other people want, but everyone is unique, so there is no way that people are always going to know what you want, no matter how well they know you, how long they know you, whether they are people smart or a pysic mind reader.

Then on top of that, if you are not completely sure of what you want or are unconscious of what you want, control dramas are going to be highly ineffective for you.

So your first assignment is to clearly discover what you want, and which way you want it in. This is especially important if you understand some of the metaphysical universal laws, such as what you focus on expands and what you are seeking, is seeking you. These laws are not way out there either; it is simple laws of physics.

So clarity goes a long way. Here are some tips as to what to look for:

· What are your values?
· What is your vision?
· What is your lifestyle?
· What is your personality and what are your personality's needs?
· What are your communication modes and styles?
· What are your needs, wants and requirements or deal breakers in a relationship?

In our society we are taught to believe in the competitive adversarial paradigm, were we are taught that we have to fight, struggle and compete in life to get what we want because we don't have the power to get what we want in any other way and because it is not an abundant universe.

However, by simply knowing what you want and having clarity about it, you can draw in what you want with out having to struggle, fight, and compete and … yes use control dramas.

This clarity will clear a path for you, which will assist in your relationship, because your partner will then have an easier time understanding what you want and be able to give you want you want, and if they can't or won't they will either increase to a new level of consciousness in order to be able to give you what you want or will leave the picture and someone who can will enter into your life, all with minimum conflict as long as your have clarity and are not trying to force your partner into anything.

2) COMMUNICATE WHAT YOU WANT:

Whether you believe in metaphysics or not, one thing is for sure, there is absolutely no harm, in communicating what you want. In fact harm can be caused if you do not directly communicate. So it is very important to learn non conflictual ways to communicate with your partner as well as learn what your partner's communication style and modes are. . Simply put, increasing your ability to directly communicate directly increases your ability to communicate.

Different communication techniques work for different people so you will have to find which ones work best for you and your partner, but what is the most important thing is your attitude towards the communication and what it means. What I mean by that is the by taking the steps to learn to communicate indicates that you are interested in communicating with your partner and understand the importance to the relationship.

3) DO NOT BE AFRAID TO DIRECTLY ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT

There are many reasons why people choose not to directly communicate; often they are not consciously aware of them.

Some of the most common reasons include:

People are usually Pleasure or Pain Avoidant Centred, meaning that people either move towards pleasure or away from pain. Many people who are Pain Avoidant Centred consider conflict or the potential of conflict to be painful so they "move away" from it such as avoiding it or trying to couch it in the form of indirect communication. Certain personalities like Amiables, which are people who are into harmony and everyone getting along are also common people who use indirect communication or avoid communication all together to avoid conflict.

Some people have a belief system that everyone should be catering to them, therefore it is the other person's responsibility to understand them and give them what they want, it is not their responsibility to communicate their needs, and their partner is expected to already know or take the initiative to know or find out.

Then there are people who have low self esteem or the belief that they do not deserve what they want, so they will not ask and just hope that the other person may give them what they want. Inevitably even a person who feels undeserving will begin control dramas even if it is by going into a state of depression because they are not getting what they want in the way that they want it.

In any of these cases, the bottom line is that directly communicating will get you what you want, or at the very least you will find out whether your partner can or wants to give you want you want.

For pain-centred people, if they can look a the big picture, delaying conflict increases the chances of conflict, if you are a pain avoider person, take an honest look at your past history and you will know what I mean.

For the people are to cater to you people, like the pain avoiders look at your past history and think about how successful you are getting what you want and you may discover that taking a moment to directly communicate will actually save you time and effort.

As for the people who feel undeserving, it may be hard to believe, but you to have the ability to create your subjective reality and drawn in what you want in life. That is your right as a human, regardless of how you feel about yourself. When you can learn to believe that you are deserving you see how quickly other people will feel the same about you creating a world where you not be punished or judged for having what you want.

This article may have turned pretty deep towards the end, however learning different ways of communicating and having a different philosophy about communication not only is the best way to having a fulfilling relationship, but a fulfilling life as well.


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