Set Your Psychological Default Mode On Success
Copyright © 2005 Eve Delunas, Ph.D.
Inner Vision Resources
http://www.innervisionresources.com/
Life has a way of challenging us with the unexpected. A deal
falls through at the last minute. An employee quits when we need
him most. We lose our most important account without warning. No
matter how hard we try to control life's circumstances, these
unforeseen difficulties sneak up on us just when everything seems
to be going smoothly.
Your psychological default mode--that is, your typical reaction
or response to life's unpleasant complications--can either
contribute to or detract from your level of success. It can also
directly affect your mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
Often our psychological default mode is such a habit that we
aren't even consciously aware of it. When we take a good look
at how we typically respond to life's unexpected troubles, we
discover a lot about ourselves, and open the door to the
possibility of change. Just like the default mode on your
computer, you can reset your own default mode if it isn't
getting you the results you desire.
What follows are descriptions of five common default mode
patterns. Keep in mind that we may demonstrate these patterns to
a greater or lesser degree. Also, one person may exhibit any
combination of these tendencies. Later in this article, we will
look at how you can reset your personal default mode.
FIVE COMMON DEFAULT MODE PATTERNS
1. The Blamer Mode. Here we look to assign blame for whatever has
gone wrong. Instead of seeking positive ways to resolve an
unpleasant situation, we waste a lot of time and energy trying to
determine who is at fault. This default mode tends to provoke
defensiveness in others.
2. The Victim Mode. Here we react to our misfortune by concluding
that we have been unfairly targeted by others or life itself. We
may engage in self pity (Why me?) and lament about how badly we
are being treated. Due to our feelings of powerlessness, we may
fail to take effective action.
3. The Fighter Mode. Here we become angered by life's setbacks,
and vow to do battle with whomever or whatever has caused the
problem. We need to win, and see life's unexpected difficulties
as a temporary loss that must be avenged in the game of life.
This default mode tends to blind us to alternative perspectives
which can be helpful in resolving a problem.
4. The Perfectionist Mode. Here we turn inward and attack the
self. We use life's inevitable upsets as an excuse to criticize
ourselves beyond measure. We view every disappointing situation
as a personal failure and focus exclusively on our own mistakes
or shortcomings. We may become paralyzed by our negative self- analysis.
5. The Responder Mode. Here we assess our current challenge and
calmly devise a plan of action. We remain focused on finding and
implementing the best solution for the situation we face. We
avoid the traps of attaching blame, feeling victimized, becoming
enraged, or attacking the self. Instead, we consider what went
wrong, make adjustments to reduce the likelihood that the same
problem will reoccur, and take responsible action to minimize
losses and maximize gains. This default mode tends to engender
respect and cooperation among coworkers.
RESETTING YOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL DEFAULT MODE
So, how do you reset your psychological default mode, if your
current way of reacting or responding to life's challenges isn't
working for you? Here are seven steps you can take to change your
response patterns.
1. Establish your intention to change. Write down a description
of the new behavior you wish to demonstrate, and tell yourself
this is your intended goal. Post your written intentions
somewhere so you can read it everyday.
2. Activate your imagination. Take a few minutes every day to
visualize yourself responding in the new way. Your imagination is
a powerful tool for activating the changes you desire.
3. Find a role model. Is there a person who demonstrates the
default mode you would most like to emulate? When faced with a
difficult situation, ask yourself, "How would ________ handle
this challenge?"
4. Monitor yourself. Notice your reaction patterns. Watch, but
don't judge what you see in yourself. Be a neutral observer of
your own behavior.
5. Heal old wounds. Sometimes our emotional reactivity is due to
unresolved situations from our past. By healing and releasing the
past, we can deactivate emotional triggers and free ourselves to
respond differently in the present.
6. Celebrate your successes. Every time you consciously choose to
behave differently, give yourself a big pat on the back. Focus on
the positive changes you are making, however small, and watch
them multiply.
7. Be patient. It takes a little time to change an old habit.
Just know if you keep at it, you will succeed. Maintain your
focus on how you want to behave, and you will eventually find it
quite natural to respond in the new way when life's unexpected
challenges present themselves.
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Eve Delunas, Ph.D., psychotherapist, author, speaker, trainer
Offers proven strategies to help you rise above your limitations
and soar. Breaking the Spell of the Past--Book and Guided
Visualization CD set. Take a FREE QUIZ to find out if you are
SPELLBOUND by your past. Download a FREE guided meditation to
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