I have met a lot of people recently who are desperate for a date. Typically these people I have spoken to fall into one of two cateogories. Either they have been single for a long time and are starting to doubt if they will ever meet someone, or they have recently split up with a partner.
There seem to be no people in the middle that I have met.
The reason I ask the rather strange questions of "why do you want a date?" is that it seems a number of people are setting out on their dating journey in the wrong frame and mind. And that mindset alone is causing them problems when it comes to meeting the right person.
If you have the wrong mindset, you can get yourself into a situation where you find yourself going round in circles meeting nobody and really sinking deeper into dispair. So I want to take just a moment today to face that situation head-on.
So what do both the groups have in common that I mentioned just a minute ago? Answer: many of them are dating out of desperation rather than desire.
There are two main reasons to be dating. The first - the ideal - is that you simply want to meet someone to share your life with. That is a beautiful thing to do and the perfect reason. However the other reason is that you want to meet someone out of your own insecurity. Someone to validate you as a person.
Somehow, many people seem to think that people who aren't in a relationship are "lesser mortals" and the sooner they can get back into a relationship the better. If they are in a relationship then they know their partner desires them and so they feel better about themselves. For some people this feeling of wanting to be accepted can take over their lives. Equally, when this "desire" is pulled from them and perhaps even given to someone else, many people feel overly sensitive, unpopular and just plain bad. This is unfortunate.
Indeed, this is often seem in people who have only recently split up with a partner. For some reason, they seem to feel that if they can get a partner sooner than their ex can, it makes them look like the "better" person and rubs their partners nose in the fact. It makes the person feel that their partner who left them was wrong not to find them desireable.
Clearly living this way can be risky, because the next time you find yourself single you're going to have the same emotional roller-coaster followed by the desperate scramble for a new partner. And that scramble can lead you to making poor choices. Many people in this situation would rather have any partner rather than necessarily holding out for the "right" person.
All I will say for now is this - examine your real reasons for wanting a partner right now. Try to be honest with yourself and understand what is motivating you. Try to ensure you want to find a partner for the right reasons rather than the wrong reasons if you really truly want to end up happy.
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Richard writes for a website that gives advice on dating and in partiular how and where to
meet singles
