There are two kinds of custody. Legal custody tells how much authority each parent has over the kids, and physical custody designates where they will live. What kind of custody you and your ex will have will depend on how well you get along with your ex and your kids.
When one parent is given sole custody of the kids, it usually means that the couple can't work well together as parents. The custodian makes all of the decisions about the child's education and religeous training. The other parent's influence is limited to visitation or parenting times. This kind of custody arrangement is necessary when the parents hostility towards each other keeps them from discussing the children amicably..
Joint custody is for couples who can still talk to each other civilly. They don't have to be in love, or even like to spend time together. They just need to be able to talk to each other about their kids' needs without fighting. They will decide together, for instance, whether Johnny should go to summer camp, or if Mary should have her ears pierced. They also make more important decisions together such as what church the kids will attend and where they will go to school. If the couple can't work together, this form of custody can be a constant rehashing of the couples' disputes with each other.
Joint custody is wonderful when it works, as it keeps both parents involved with the child's life. It gives the child a strong sense of security when both parents can discuss his // her needs and wants. It is also a good way to help parents avoid being played off against each other. The kids can't manipulate their parents if they can maintain a united front.
When the child's time is divided equally between his parents, it is called "split custody". This arrangement can work well for parents who work different shifts. One parent is available when the other parent is at work. Both parties save the cost of child care, and the kids spend their time with their parents, instead of strange care givers.
However, if the parents do not get along well enough to talk about the kids, splitting the child's time between them may not be practical. After all, the parents will have to share information about the child's welfare to make his / her adjustment to constant change comfortable. Split custody may work for some kids. But, it can be hard and confusing to others, and should only be done with parents who understand the risks and benefits of the arrangement.
Although the custodial parent has most say over the child's life, he / she also has duties. It is his / her job to make sure the kids have a place to live. Transportation to doctor's appointments and school activities is important. Adequate clothing and food are the responsibility of the custodial parent. Helping the child grow into a responsible adult is mainly the custodial parent's obligation.
Finally, the custodian is under a duty to make sure the child spends time with the other parent. He / she must help with visitation transportation. He / she should encourage phone calls, emails or other forms of communication. He / she should never say bad things about the other parent if the child can hear. In fact, the most important thing the custodial parent can do for the child is to make sure he grows up knowing he is loved by both his father and mother.
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Lucille Uttermohlen has been an family law attorney for 27 years. Her areas of practice include divorce, paternity, juvenile law, guardianship and adoption. For good free information about the divorce process, visit Lucille at
http://www.couple-or-not.com/ .
