Batman and his Batmobile are connected like any man and his bodacious ride should be. The Batmobile that lived in the 60's with massive overstated fins and the double bubble cockpit was a reflection of the times. It was Batman as innocent and uncontroversial as my grandmother who's a Sunday School teacher. Cartoon-ish violence was hidden behind multicolored "Pow's" or "Wham's". Yet every time that Danger Road Closed sign went down and the Batmobile screamed past with REAL flames shooting out the back, a generation fell in love with Batman. In the 80's when the fins pointed up, the mood was darker, the gadgets were cooler people still wanted to be Batman. In the 90's with the unrealistic, elongated Batmobile and the equally unrealistic dialogue, doubt started to take hold. No one wanted to be that Batman. After seeing Batman Begins with its gritty rendering of Batman and the harsh all-terrain version of the Batmobile, I believe in the Bat again. The Batmobile as a blatantly rugged assault vehicle never occurred to me but after a few nasty chase scenes, I'm a believer. With a more callous, justice fighter on the loose I began thinking about what you wouldn't hear in this Batmobile.
Top ten things never heard in the Batmobile
10. I've been thinking about getting a Mini Cooper, how much would you give me as a trade-in?
9. We can't make out in the backseat. My baby's carseat is back there.
8. Yeah, I'll take a salad with fat free ranch ON THE SIDE and a diet coke easy on the ice.
7. Listen, Ernest if you can't pay your share of the gas, we might not let you carpool with us.
6. On your left you will notice Joan River's lovely home. The incomparable star of silent films, Valentino, once owned it. Coming up on your right…
5. They didn't lie, that really is the world's biggest ball of yarn.
4. Have you ever had fruitcake this moist and delicious? It's simply divine.
3. Remember that time at band camp?
2. Do you think Lawrence Welk is frontin' or is he legit?
1. Batman, your turn signal has been blinking for the last 8 miles.
No Mini Coopers were hurt in the making of this article.
