So, the marriage is over. You're just not in love anymore. The next step is a divorce, or is it? Before you take that final step, think about what your life will be afterwards.
If you have debts together, they will follow you into your new life. You'll have to replace a lot of property. One or both of you will have to move. Once you do, you will have to learn to live without the financial support of the other.
If you have kids, there are even more issues. They will only live with one of you. No matter what your arrangements, one of you will probably be relegated to a part time parent role.
If you find someone else, you're ability to build a life with them will be compromised. You will still be paying your old debts. You may have alimony due to your ex-spouse. Child support payments can also be a big financial drain.
Perhaps the hardest thing you will face after your divorce is your own psychological problems. Don't get offended. I'm not saying you're certifiable. But, you have to admit, it takes two to tango, and learning a new dance won't be easy. After all, you are still the same person who chose to marry your current spouse. You are going to be inclined to make the same assumptions and have the same expectations. You are also likely to be attracted to the same things that drew you to your spouse.
There are some relationships that have to end. If you are being abused, you can't get away from the abuser fast enough. Abusers don't improve and if you wait long enough, they will destroy your life, if not just kill you.
If you're just bored, you should think a lot harder before you end your marriage. Instead of thinking about what is wrong with your spouse, remember the things you and he / she did when your love was new. What hobbies and activities did you enjoy together? Who were your friends? What kinds of things made you both laugh?
Reconciliation may not be easy. To be successful, it will require both of you to honestly analyze how you interact with each other. You will have to work on being courteous and respectful, just like you were when you were dating. You will have to have honest conversations about what is important to you, and learn to ignore petty disagreements. It won't be easy. You may even need counseling. However, building a life is like anything else worth doing. The greatest rewards are the ones that take time to earn. Time is all you have to invest, and if you are successful, you will have the marriage you wanted in the first place.
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Lucille Uttermohlen has been a family law attorney for 27 years. Her specialties include divorce and paternity. For a free ebook about the divorce process, visit Lucille at
http://www.couple-or-not.com
