While there has been lots written about how men react to their fear of having ED, often little attention is paid to how women react when they fear their love is struggling with ED.
Not only do women have to deal with their fears about you, but then need to deal with their own feelings as they start to come to grips with what it will mean to them, and how to be most helpful and supportive.
Unfortunately, the most common reactions women have to a fear of ED are not necessarily all that helpful.
Faced with their concerns you might have ED, some women get into major mothering. It is as if they want to kiss the boo-boo and magically make it better. While this might work with a minor fall for a preschooler, it doesn't work with the threat of ED. Kissing as often as they can will not make it better.
Nor will making your favorite desert, keeping the house cleaner, intervening with the kids to take your side....
The list can go on and on to no avail.
Major Mothering doesn't fix ED.
The other common reaction is making demands that you change, or fix, what you're struggling with right now.
But, lots of women get so frightened, feel so out of control, or ineffective in helping their man with ED, they end up demanding you go and fix it.
NOW!
They may even want to take charge of your "rehabilitation" and tell you, and anyone else who is involved, what to do and how to do it "to fix your problem." As if, all of a sudden, they were the world's most knowledgeable expert.
Again, their reaction comes from fear, lack of control, and feeling ineffective in their role in the partnership.
Although both of these reactions are ineffective, they're very common. And, are only made worse by your getting angry or closing down and avoiding bringing your wife or girl friend into the solution.
An uninvolved partner will just make things worse.
The third pattern women have to their man's ED, one that is often very difficult for them to get past, is feeling uninvolved and put upon when you make a decision to "get the pill and have sex whenever you want. No matter what I think and feel."
In a recent survey done by Oprah magazine, almost half of the women responding said they didn't like chemically induced sex.
It just didn't seem real. They felt less desirable, and less emotionally connected. Some even said their men were less attuned to their needs, and would want sex after taking the pill so they "wouldn't waste the pill, or the money it cost."
Or, they felt they had to give in and have sex. They didn't want to let their man down after he went to all that trouble.
Taking the pill had taken intimacy out of the relationship...and put emotional demands on both partners that weren't there before.
This pattern reflects a growing concern among sex therapists and marriage counselors who often find a couple questioning whether they are being loved for who they are, the core of an intimate relationship, or because their spouse took a pill because he wanted to make sex better for him.
It's a troubling paradoxical bind.
To paraphrase the old ad, "Is it the real me? Or Memorex?"
Pills can sometimes enable a man to have an erection.
They can't/don't enable intimacy.
Most women prefer intimacy.
Getting past ED, or even the fear of ED, is a job for the both of you. Together. By talking about what is going on, sharing your fears and concerns, you can work together an an intimate team to make sure you both get your concerns addressed, and can get back to sharing the love you feel for one another with satisfying senior sex. Even if it is ED.
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Sex therapist Dr. Pat Wiklund, who's treated countless couples, finds concerns about erections and the ability to keep on enjoying satisfying senior sex the leading issue for older adults. To get her latest book for both men and women about how to keep on love'n no matter how old you are, or get to be, all without dangerous drugs or demeaning devices. Just go to ==>
http://www.satisfyingseniorsex.com/keep-on-loven
